This is only the second time I have blogged since the dark curtain of COVID-19 descended on this corner of the world in mid-March. It’s not that I haven’t had the time; thanks to the pandemic, almost everything ‘extracurricular’ in my life came to a screeching halt – and Free Time has been remarkably abundant. But there was something about the combination of fear and frustration that seemed to short circuit both my inclination and my ability to write. (I have also composed rather little music since March, although those creative juices began flowing a bit more freely this fall.) I think I was also intimidated by the thought of trying to write something truly meaningful about a world that was suddenly so strange and unfamiliar. I still am.
But all of us have just celebrated Thanksgiving Day, which in many ways is my very favorite holiday …. an occasion which calls on all of us to think about the blessings for which we are most grateful. Needless to say, it was a Thanksgiving Day profoundly different from any other – but I’m struck by all of the ways in which the things that matter most were still at the heart of the day. It was a day for connecting with family – In Person (but physically distanced) with Kathy’s family and Virtually (over Zoom) with my family …. plus a splendid feast as delicious as any we have ever enjoyed. And after several cloudy, soggy, chilly days in a row, Thanksgiving Day was sunny and glorious – one of those days where it feels so good to be alive. It was the kind of day when gratitude flowed freely and effortlessly for Kathy and me. (I know that for many people, it was a much harder day for any number of reasons. We counted ourselves as tremendously fortunate that it was such a happy and relatively normal day for us.)
But if 2020 has any abiding lesson for us all, it’s the importance of finding gratitude not just when life is good, but also when life is hard. In some ways, I feel like there should be more than one word for ‘gratitude’ in the same way that the Greeks have seven words for ‘love,’ including eros, pragma, and agape. There should be one word for gratitude when one feels positively swamped by life’s blessings …. and a different word for the gratitude that one feels even when life feels like a relentless ordeal. Both kinds of gratitude are important – but I think they are profoundly different from each other. And while Gratitude-When-We’re-Happy can certainly feel sweet, Gratitude-When-We’re-Struggling is, at least in my own experience, a far richer experience.
2020 has been hard for all of us, thanks mostly to this miserable COVID-19 pandemic. But for all of the losses that it has represented, there have been lessons learned (many of those lessons learned the hard way) and gratitude awakened for things that we may not have realized were precious to us until they were taken away. Most of us find ourselves newly appreciative for the excitement of a stadium full of football fans or the electricity of a sold out theatrical or musical performance – or even the simple pleasure of seeing a movie at the local movie theater. For me, I hope I will never ever take for granted the joys of a Wednesday night Kenosha Pops Band concert in Pennoyer Park … a night at the opera with my friend Marshall … or of seeing a Broadway show with Kathy. Heck, I even look forward to the day when Kathy and I have to wait to be seated for a meal in our favorite restaurant because all of the tables are full.
For all that has been wrenched from us during this pandemic, we should be grateful for the modern tools that makes this so much more bearable than it would otherwise be – things like Zoom, Facebook, Netflix, Google, Podcasts etc. They pervade our lives to the point where we tend to take them entirely for granted- and perhaps even resent their presence from time to time. But when it’s all said and done, I cannot imagine facing this pandemic without them. In a time when we are forced to keep our distance and spend so much time withdrawn from each other, I am grateful for the many and various means by which we can remain connected with one another and with the wider world. Think back to 1918, when the world experienced an even deadlier pandemic. There was no internet – no television – and not even radio. I cannot fathom what it would be like to weather the COVID-19 pandemic in that sort of world. So I am grateful not just for books and puzzles and long walks …. but also all of the modern conveniences that have made all of this easier to endure and have made each of us feel less alone.
Politically and socially, this has been a wrenching time for our nation, and it seems like we are irreparably and irreversibly divided. But for as painful as this has been in so many ways, I am heartened by how deeply and fervently people care about this country and its future, even if that concern plays out in drastically different ways. And while I see no simple, painless path forward towards greater harmony and understanding, I see great promise in the energy and passion that has been generated. In the city of Kenosha, where I used to live and where I still work, 2020 has been an especially difficult year- and the days and nights following the Jacob Blake shooting were downright frightening. But the community has demonstrated an astonishing capacity to come together- to have frank conversations about ugly and difficult realities of systemic racism- and to begin rebuilding devastated neighborhoods. The first day I drove through the heart of Kenosha to look at the destruction, I was inspired by the sight of a painter hard at work adding beauty to one of the storefronts that had been boarded up.
For me, 2020 was also difficult and painful because of a frightening turns of events this summer in which Carthage was forced by mounting financial challenges (common to many colleges and universities right now) to contemplate some dramatic reorganization – and there was the very real possibility that the music department would face severe layoffs. It was an incredibly scary time, and the uncertainty of the situation was perhaps the hardest thing about it. But it was also a time in which we as a music faculty drew closer together than we have ever been before- and we emerged from the experience with a profound new appreciation for each other and for each other’s gifts. And while we are grateful that we emerged at the other end of the process fully intact, I think I am just as grateful for my colleagues and for the way in which we worked together and carried ourselves through something incredibly difficult.
The day before Thanksgiving, I aired an interview with local Abraham Lincoln expert Steve Rogstad- and we began with Steve discussing Lincoln’s connection to Thanksgiving. While our 16th president did not create the holiday, it was he who proclaimed it an official federal holiday beginning in 1863. Steve went on to explain that Lincoln’s Thanksgiving Proclamation was written at a time when our country had been torn asunder by Civil War- and the document talks about the nation’s debt to its soldiers as well as to the widows and orphans who had tasted such sorrow. It culminates with the hope and prayer for “the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquility and union.” It says a lot that this holiday was not created in a moment of national tranquility and plenty, but rather in one of the darkest chapters of our country’s history. It’s a reminder that Gratitude always needs to be a part of our lives- and especially when life is most difficult.
For all of us, may 2020 be a year not only of mounting losses, but also a year in which we develop greater, more deeply grounded gratitude.