I am 55 years old- which qualifies me for a subscription to AARP magazine. On many questionnaires it shunts me to the last age category that can be checked: “55 and over.” If I were employed by Racine Unified School District, I could retire. It even makes me eligible to live in the Senior Apartment Complex where Kathy’s dad has just moved. It’s very likely that I am well past the halfway point in my lifespan (unless I live to the unlikely age of 111) and indisputably past what most people would regard as their “prime.” In the arc of my life (and no one knows in the midst of it just how long that life will last) it still feels like daytime …. but dusk is right around the corner.
And yet, contrary to the assumptions or expectations of most people – including me – I am finding this to be a very happy time in my life, and in some ways the happiest ever. It certainly helps that in the last six months (alongside my wife) I have undertaken a rather revolutionary alteration of my eating habits and am feeling so much more energetic as a result. There is no question what a gigantic difference that can make in one’s well-being, emotionally and otherwise. But coupled with that is what I can only describe as a deepening sense of what matters …. and a sharpening sense that time is incredibly fleeting and that life is far too short to waste it on things we don’t want to do or which give us little or no satisfaction or pleasure.
This past Wednesday night, the curtain came down (figuratively, that is) on another summer season of the Kenosha Pops Band. From mid June through early August, the Pops plays at the Pennoyer Park Bandshell, which is perched right on the Lake Michigan shoreline just south of the Carthage campus. It’s a lovely setting- and when Mother Nature cooperates it’s almost unbearably beautiful. But beyond the lovely setting and scenery is the wonderful music, played by gifted musicians from right here in the community, for an audience of eager and appreciative listeners from all walks of life. In some ways it feels like something straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting …. a slice of life at its simplest and best. For just over twenty years, I have been the emcee (and a frequent soloist) with the band for these summertime concerts, and it has been an incredible joy. Music Director Craig Gall – and before him, Frank Germinaro – have had this unerring sense of balance between playing very good music and playing it well – with having a relaxed, good time and entertaining those who come to our concerts. That’s a balancing act that is not easy to bring off; so easily the scales can tilt one way or another. But they just get it- and these concerts end up somehow being musically impressive and satisfying yet unfailingly fun and entertaining. And lucky me gets to be a part of it, speaking to and singing for an audience that on certain nights (when the weather is especially nice) can number 800 or more. I love it love it love it. And when each season comes to an end as it must, with my rendition of “Auld lang syne” on the final concert, I’m terribly sad. Yes, it will be nice to have those Wednesday evenings back for the rest of the summer, but there is a not-so-small part of me that would (if such a thing were possible) wave a magic wand and make these concerts run the year round.
This past Wednesday, as I was thinking about the end of the pops season, I got to thinking about another gig which I had on that very same stage a few years ago- beginning around the same time that I began emceeing and soloing with the Pops. The bandshell in Pennoyer Park was initially christened the Sesquicentennial Bandshell, constructed in honor of the city of Kenosha’s 150th anniversary. (Before then, the Kenosha Pops played downtown by a lovely veterans memorial fountain, but the setting was far from ideal for such concerts.) When the bandshell was built, the intention was for all kinds of things to take place there beyond the Pops Band concerts- and the city sponsored an entertainment series for the summer months and approached me to serve as its emcee. It was the easiest gig- I think they paid me $50 a night to welcome everyone, say a few words about that night’s entertainment, return at intermission to remind people about the concession stand, and then say goodnight at the end of the 90-minute performance. It was fun … for about two weeks. But from there, for some reason, it turned into this heavy burden of responsibility which gave me no pleasure or satisfaction whatsoever. In fact, on those Thursdays when the weather was the least bit threatening, I would actually pray for that night’s performance to be rained out. How awful is that?!? But the truth is that I didn’t want to be away from home yet another night of the week. But for four long years I kept on emceeing – and why? There were all kinds of people who could have done what I was doing; in no way was it rocket science. I was not an essential, irreplaceable member of the team. I could have and should have handed off that responsibility who would have genuinely enjoyed doing it – but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it – whether for fear of disappointing or inconveniencing Ralph Houghton (the guy who had asked me and someone I greatly admired) or just plain old ego. All I know for sure is that I never did give up that particular gig; it was only because of city budget cuts that the entertainment series eventually came to an end I got my summertime Thursday nights back.
That was me in my early 30’s, when I think I had a rather fuzzy notion of just how short life really is and of how foolish it is to be so cavalier about how one’s time is used. I think the 55-year-old me would have been much more careful about saying ‘yes’ – and/or much quicker about saying “on second thought….” and bowing out. I think the 55-year-old me is a bit more particular about the obligations I take on – and why. Which is not to say that I don’t say ‘yes’ quite a lot …. maybe more than I should. (And I am really grateful to be married to someone who accepts my need/preference to be busy- yet is not afraid to remind me that saying ‘no’ is almost always an option.) But now I really try to say ‘yes’ only to things that really matter to me- and to things that will bring me joy and leave me energized rather than depleted. That’s what it means to be a wise steward of one’s life and one’s gifts; it’s what ultimately allows you to keep on giving. So for me, it’s not a lesson in Not Being Too Busy. I really don’t think that’s the point. For me, it’s being Busy with Stuff That Matters, with Stuff That Makes Life Better, with Stuff That Gives Me Joy (and Gives Joy To Others.) Of course, what I’m still learning is how to do all of the things I love to do without letting them shunt family and friends off to the side- something I’ve allowed to happen way too often in my life. That’s maybe the single most important reason why I need to use my time as mindfully and wisely as possible. And when it’s all said and done, I hope that there will be fewer and fewer things where I say “thank God that’s over” – and more and more things where I say “Already? But I want this to go on longer!”
Which brings me back to the Kenosha Pops gig and the end of another season. When you get to this stage in life – when you have 55 or more candles on your birthday cake – you tend to deeply appreciate the things which really give you joy ….. like making music with great musicians who are also nice people ….. getting to use your talents while bringing pleasure to other people …. and knowing that you’re helping make your community a better place to live. It’s for all those reasons and more that the end of another Kenosha Pops season makes me sad – and also makes me smile.
You, too?