As of this past Wednesday, I am a “masked man” – at least at night. No, I’m not some nocturnal masked man like Batman (I shudder to think of mishaps a klutz like me would cause with Batman’s fabled utility belt. Gotham City would be a smoldering crater inside of fifteen minutes.) Nor am I the Lone Ranger (I’m pretty sure I couldn’t even mount a horse, let alone ride one) or one of those professional wrestlers who hides his identity behind a mask (that’s the most ridiculous possibility of all.)
No, I am a masked man because I now sleep with a CPAP machine, designed to correct the symptoms of an increasingly common disorder called Sleep Apnea. It is something my wife has suspected for several years now because of my wall-shaking, it-sounded-like-a-freight-train snoring. That actually is not in and of itself definite proof; all people who suffer from sleep apnea snore …. but not every person who snores has sleep apnea. And in fact, at least one person with some background in the matter said they very much doubted that I had sleep apnea because I had so much energy and managed to do so much. And it’s true that I don’t spend too much of my time sitting around and doing nothing – but on the other hand, there have been a handful of voice lessons at Carthage (especially the ones right after lunch) where I have come close to falling completely asleep right in mid-lesson …. and when I’m sitting in the recliner in the living room, it is all but impossible for me to remain awake, even while watching opera. So the warning signs were certainly there. What probably convinced my wife still further was when I had my colonoscopy late last year. Just as I was about to emerge from the anestisia – snoring to beat the band – one of the nurses asked Kathy if she was aware that I had Sleep Apnea. It was not an official diagnosis, to be sure, but it was sobering to hear a nurse say something like that. That’s when my resistance began to cave.
It’s not like I hadn’t done a thing about the snoring. Back in the summer, on the recommendation of my doctor, I ordered something in the mail that he himself used for his snoring. It was some sort of plastic appliance that you insert in your mouth and it holds your air passages open as you sleep. But as I read through the instructions – which involve heating a block of wax and then biting into it to create a mold exactly configured to your teeth and jaw – I kept coming across references to “minor jaw pain” and “jaw discomfort” that might occur, especially in the early going. As someone who teaches voice lessons and talks on the radio for a living, I wasn’t about to do anything that would create pain in my jaw – however temporary. So this $75 thing is still in the box ….. and there, I am certain, it will stay.
So I underwent a full-blown sleep study (the first part of which occurred the night before Thanksgiving) and it did indeed indicate that I have sleep apnea … a relatively moderate case, but one that likely would have worsened and which could have certainly become life- threatening if left untreated. And when I returned for part two of the sleep study on January 5th, they had me spend the night hooked up to a CPAP machine … and I actually did just fine for five whole hours. But at that point in the early morning, they asked me (over the intercom) to switch from sleeping on my side to sleeping on my back – and that was catastrophic. Within a few moments, I felt like I was smothering in too much oxygen – one of the weirdest and scariest things I have every experienced in my whole life. The technician could tell just from my vital signs that I was in trouble, and he was in the room almost immediately, disconnecting me and reassuring me that everything would be fine. After letting me relax a bit, we tried again, but I was too worked up – and switching to a full-face mask from the nasal-only mask I had been wearing made no difference. So I walked out of there feeling fairly confident that I could learn to use a CPAP machine- but also humbled enough to realize that it might not be easy.
Well …. this past Wednesday was when I got to return to the Aurora Sleep Clinic to be given a CPAP machine and fitted for a mask. One thing that was both reassuring yet intimidating was the fact that there was quite a variety of masks available – but insurance does not allow for unlimited switching, so the initial choice need to be made carefully and well. The technician started out with his favorite mask, which is the most popular one they use – and except for the fact that it made me look like a vulture or a buzzard, it was a very impressive and intriguing thing to behold. And although it felt a little tight and confining, I did okay when we tried it out. But just as I was about to walk out of there with it, the technician had me try out what used to be the most popular unit … and lo and behold, I liked it even more. It may have looked strange, but it felt remarkably natural, like I was wearing nothing more than a strange new pair of glasses. And the tech was great about talking me through how the machine operated – all kinds of neat aspects of its design – and exactly how to use it in the comfort of my own home. And after 90 minutes, when he asked me “do you think you’re ready?” I could give him a thumbs up with complete sincerity.
Which is not to say that I didn’t approach that night with more than a little trepidation. Both Kathy and I were really anxious for this to work, but I wondered if that anxiousness would actually get in my way and make it impossible for me to ease up enough to relax. My hope was that I would at least be successful for a good portion of the night, and would gradually grow used to my Strange New Bedtime Companion. I have to admit that although I spend a great deal of my life in prayer – I’ve not been in the habit of bedtime prayers since childhood. But Wednesday night you’d better believe that as I was assembling the machine, my mask, and the tubing that connects the two, I was praying for a peaceful night’s sleep. And lo and behold, that’s what I had! I am so thankful that I felt almost completely comfortable with the mask – so much so that the one time during the night that I stirred awake, I actually wondered if the machine had somehow shut itself off or if the tubing had somehow gotten disconnected from the unit. But no, the air was still flowing as it was supposed to. It just felt so right that I was afraid it was wrong ….. a strange flip of the famous Debby Boone song (“it can’t be wrong if it feels so right”) …. and with that, I fell right back to sleep. And when I awoke the next morning, I suddenly realized that I couldn’t remember the last time I woke up feeling that refreshed.
I realized something else. This whole thing for me had been all about eliminating my awful snoring, so my long- suffering wife could finally sleep well again. It really hadn’t dawned on me how my own sleep would be so dramatically changed for the better. I mean, I had been told that was the case- but I really didn’t know that there was anything wrong with how I was sleeping ….. in the same way that someone who’s near-sighted doesn’t even realize all that they’re missing until they put on that first pair of glasses and can suddenly see the leaves on the trees! That’s what this was for me. Now I know what I’ve been missing …. I know what a thief in the night Sleep Apnea has been for me. And I am incredibly thankful and relieved that this thief has been sent packing. And I find myself newly appreciative of one of life’s most precious blessings, but one I had taken for granted for far too long ….. soothing, sound sleep. Life is incomplete without it.