This whole business about me being a published composer took a giant step from pinch-me-I’m-dreaming to this-is-really-happening this week. . . when in two separate packages I received complimentary copies of the two pieces that are now out there for the world to see: “Shepherd’s Gloria” from Hal Leonard and “Great and Glorious Light” from their subsidiary Shawnee Press. I’d seen both releases on a couple of different websites – complete with images of the covers – but to actually hold these pieces of music in my hands was a thrill on a whole different level. Now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is not just something I was fervently hoping might be true – it really is true.
But it also feels a little bit strange and disconcerting, now that it’s moved from wouldn’t-it-be-cool to here-it-is . . . and for as exciting as all this is, there are a few regrets around the edges that only became clear as I actually saw the actual music for the first time. First and foremost is that nowhere in either of these pieces will you see the name Paul Marchese, my former student/ now friend, whose able and enthusiastic assistance was absolutely essential for me to be able to offer up these pieces to prospective publishers. I may have composed these pieces, but Paul is the person who helped transform my handwritten music into professional-looking scores, complete with piano accompaniments, suitable for submission. Without Paul, there is absolutely no way any of that would have gotten done, and because of that, his name should there somewhere. And I’m not sure any iTunes or Amazon gift card will make up for the omission, although I’ll sure give it a try. I also wish that Kathy’s name could be there someplace because she has been so supportive of me- and if she hadn’t kicked me out of the house on that Thanksgiving Day many years ago, I might never had written “Great and Glorious Light!” And it would also have been nice if I could have somehow given a little credit to Polly and her top choir at Tremper, since it was their recordings that accompanied my submissions and very likely helped attract Hal Leonard’s attention to these pieces.
Speaking of names, one thing that was downright amusing when I saw the pieces right in front of me was how small and faint my name is as it appears on the cover of both of these pieces. . . especially in relation to the titles. And it makes perfect sense: a choir director in Little Rock, Arkansas or Boise, Idaho would not have the slightest idea who Gregory Berg is. My name means absolutely nothing to the typical Hal Leonard customer, and thus is not a selling point, and its near- invisibility on these covers is a good indication of that. And I suppose that I should be grateful that such a heady moment for me is also serving up at least a little bit of humble pie.
Speaking of humble pie, I was a bit distressed this morning when Maestro Eduardo Garcia-Novelli, conductor of the Carthage Choir, gently pointed out to me that there’s a small error in the “Great and Glorious Light” music . . . an “f” that should be an “f-sharp.” It’s not a huge deal and yet so frustrating to me because I was sent a final proof that I obviously didn’t proof-read as carefully as i should have. The truth is that when I got that email and opened up the attachment and read through the proof, I was way too giddy to be able to focus on finding mistakes. All I could really think of was “Woo hoo! Someone wants to publish my music!” But next time around- if there ever is a next time around- I will either do that proof-reading with a fine tooth comb . . . or bribe someone to do it for me!
One last bit of sobering reality that hit me between the eyes as I looked at these two pieces of music with the price tag at the top of them: Hal Leonard is not in business to make composers feel good about themselves and their talent. They are in the business of selling music, and I have to hope that some choir directors out there in the real world will like what they see or hear and buy some copies of these pieces for their own choirs. . . or this could turn out to be the shortest career in choral music history! It’s downright scary, and it helps me realize that on some level I probably held back from even trying to be published because I was afraid of failing – of putting my music out there and having prospective publishers yawn with disinterest. Well, I’ve at least made it past that threshold – which is great- but there is still the question of whether or not anybody out there will want these pieces for their own. The smart folks at Hal Leonard are gambling that the answer to that question is Yes, and I’m obviously hoping that their professional judgment was right on the money in this case. And if they are right and they manage to sell a few copies, maybe there will be more pieces in the future. . . and maybe for those you won’t need a magnifying glass to see my name. 🙂
Don’t get me wrong- 95% of me is caught up in giddy, pinch-me-I-must-be-dreaming excitement. But there’s also this 5% of me that is bound and determined to remain very sober about all this. Garrison Keillor would probably say it’s because I’m Lutheran … but maybe it’s because I’m 52 years old with feet planted fairly firmly on the ground. Or at least they’re planted firmly on the ground when I’m not busy dancing for joy!