I’ve just finished up yet another weekend with the Grace Institute, and once again i am reminded of what a glorious gig this is for me. (If it’s not irreverent or disrespectful to talk about this obligation as a “gig.”) There are so many things in our lives which we undertake out of a sense of duty – or because it is expected of us and sure to disappoint someone if we don’t come through. And there’s other things we do because we love to do them, but they’re difficult and challenging and leave us exhausted. How blessed it is when we get to do something that we love to do – something that makes a positive difference in the lives of others – and which feels as easy and natural as falling off of a log. That is what the Grace Institute feels like to me, and I could not be more grateful nor more appreciative of how rare this sort of blessing is.
Over the course of this three day retreat, I am responsible for providing written orders of worship for six services – an opening, an evening service of healing, a morning service, a vesper service, a Sunday morning communion service, and a closing service. I write the liturgies- the litanies, the prayers, even the benedictions – and I also choose the hymns. . . which are often things which I have composed.
I still remember how nervous I was when I first did this (I’ve lost track of how many years ago that was – maybe ten?) Brad Hansen, a former religion professor of mine at Luther, was certain that I would be a good fit for this brand new undertaking- but in my mind, I pictured doing this for a group of people so well-versed in liturgical matters that the slightest missteps, liturgically or theologically, would be pounced upon and I would be run out of town by a mob holding pitchforks and burning torches.
Fortunately, that didn’t happen. FAR from it. Each and every group that has gone through the Grace Institute has been a terrific group of people- a mix of clergy and laity- who by and large seem to have appreciated what I had to offer and received my offerings with such graciousness. And over the years, I have felt more and more comfortable which in turn has made this an experience which feeds me rather than depletes me, which is such a blessing. And over the last few years, it’s become clear that these are very challenging times for just about anyone working within the mainline churches . . . and those who come to the Grace Institute are often in almost desperate need for spiritual refreshment – and to have their hope restored and their joy reignited. And if I can be even a small part of that, I am thrilled and humbled.
One thing that makes this an intriguing gig is that I am only needed for these six services sprinkled through the weekend – the rest of the time, as the retreat is going on, is my own – – – and while I sometimes pop in to a session here and there, I mostly use that time to relax and reflect – and this time around, to write or compose. In fact, for the closing service, I offered up as a gift to the 2011 Grace Institute three new verses to Amazing Grace. I can’t quite figure out why it took me all these years to realize that it might be nice to sing Amazing Grace at the Grace Institute (duh!) but once I’d reached that brilliant conclusion, I found myself percolating with all kinds of ideas for new words for this beloved hymn. One of the verses begins “Amazing Grace, Redeeming Grace. . .” Another is “Amazing Grace, Revealing Grace. . . “ and yet another is “Amazing Grace, Mysterious Grace.” And as I gathered together my ideas, which tumbled on to the paper almost faster than I could write them, I realized that this was yet another example of the state of grace in which we sometimes found ourselves— where we feel like the specific moment in which we find ourselves blends with where we’ve been and where we’re headed, and our gifts feel exactly right for whatever task is before us, and yet we also know that what it is we are creating is not just a product of our own creativity and skill but is also touched by the hand of God. It’s the greatest feeling in the world, and more than once today I found myself smiling and shaking my head in wonderment that I should be so fortunate. As John Newton’s original words state, “The Lord has promised good to me” – and I tasted such good this weekend, almost to the bursting point.
pictured above: the beautiful room at the Shalom Retreat Center in Dubuque where the Grace Institute occurs. By the way, I had the great delight of meeting up with one of the participants this year who happens to be a pastor in Atlantic, Iowa at the very same church – St. Paul’s – which my dad served back in the 1970’s. What are the odds? What a lovely surprise this turned out to be!