One look in my car is all it takes for you to know that Drive Thru windows are an important part of my life…. especially when my life is crazy busy, which is pretty much always.  So for me,  driving and eating are about as inseparable as inhaling and exhaling, and I’m honestly not sure how it would feel to drive from my house to WGTD or from WGTD to Carthage without having an Egg McMuffin or soft shell taco in my hand for at least part of the time.  (Would I grip the steering wheel at 10 and 2 like they taught us in driver’s ed?  I can’t imagine.)   Fortunately,  my wife knows more than a little about cooking a good meal, and when life allows it we do manage to sit down at the table and eat dinner together . . . seated at the table!  (True, it takes me a second or two to remember how to use the utensils, but it usually comes back to me pretty quickly.)

Anyway, with all of the “driving-thru” that I do,  I like to think of myself as something of an authority figure.  🙂  And I should think that the establishments that I frequent would deeply appreciate the following points of constructive criticism:

  1. I would appreciate it if a certain window clerk at the Taco Bell on the north side of Kenosha would stop calling me “bud”  during every transaction. . . but especially when his parting words to me are “see ya later, bud.”  I’m sure he’s trying to be friendly,  but it’s unconvincing and more than a little irritating.   Which brings to mind. . .
  2. I would appreciate it even more if a certain female window clerk at the same Taco Bell would stop calling me “hon” and “honey.”   If I were in a roadside cafe and my waitress were 60 years old and named Mavis, I would be fine with her calling me “honey.”   But when someone who looks to be half my age does it,  it’s all I can do to keep from taking my Baja Gordita and throwing it back at her.  Give me “sir”  any day.  In fact,  “gramps” would be better than “honey.” (Maybe this is a hazard of being such a frequent customer at an eating establishment.)
  3. While I’m letting Taco Bell have it,  I would like someone to explain to me why I can buy a Chicken Burrito at Racine’s south side Taco Bell for 99 cents. . . but at the Taco Bell on the north side of Kenosha,  the very same Chicken Burrito costs $1.59.   A little consistency, please.The nice drive thru lady at the Kenosha Burger King needs to stop trying to cajole me to order more than I already have.   Time and time again I have to listen to “and would you like to add an order a mini blueberry muffins to that?”   No.  If I wanted them,  I would have ordered them.  To be asked this question once in awhile would be fine-  but to be asked it every cotton pickin’ time?  I can’t think of a more effective means to inspire a towering case of Road Rage.
  4. Speaking of Burger King, I usually swing through Racine’s south side BK Sunday mornings on my way to church, because usually there’s no one else in the drive thru and time is of the essence.   Their Sunday morning cashier must have used the Taco Bell Etiquette Manuel for his own orientation, because when I first drive up this guy always greets me over the speaker with “welcome back, my friend!  What are we having today?!?!”   I am as big a fan of Good Cheer as the next guy,  but to paraphrase actor Alan Arkin, I choose to limit the term “friend” to people I’ve actually met.
  5. When it comes to McDonald’s,  there’s very little of the fake friendliness of which I’ve been complaining….  but on the other hand,   Racine’s south side McDonald’s could become a bit more consistently acquainted with the word Thank You.  When I am handed my food without a thank you,  I have taken to sitting there expectantly, hoping that they’re just taking their time to say it.   And if it’s not forthcoming,  then I say “You’re Welcome” with as much of a smile as I can muster.   They could learn something from Kenosha’s north side McDonald’s staff;  if there were an Olympics event in Common Courtesy Extended to Customers,  they would be the Jamaican 4X100 relay team. And yet, they manage that courtesy without calling me honey, baby, buddy or any other such term of endearment.  Thank you, Kenosha McDonald’s, for doing it so well.