I really should be writing about my dad, who is in the hospital with an array of symptoms that thus far seem to have his doctors stumped and the rest of us worried- and then Canadian figure skating Joanna Rochette skated brilliantly last night despite carrying the grief of having just lost (quite suddenly and unexpectedly) her beloved mother, which brought all kinds of heavy stuff to mind for me. But the emotions are just too tangled at the moment with not enough time to untie them and express them with any measure of grace . . . so all that has to wait for another day. Right now, I need to laugh – and maybe you do, too.
So let me tell you about the world’s worst meatball, which I made just this morning.
First of all, you take a big hunk of liver sausage- which has to be one of the most vile things ever designated as “edible” in the history of the world. Honestly, if I were stranded on a desert island with nothing else to eat, I still can’t quite imagine putting this stuff in my mouth. (You can see how this is a great start to making the world’s worst meatball.)
Place said hunk of liver sausage in a small, brightly-colored bowl from your new set of Fiesta ware. (Bright blue works nicely.)
Take two large green and white tablets of Cephalexin (500 mg. each) two white oval tablets of Methylprednisolone (4 mg), and one white round tablet of Ketoconazole (200 mg)- and when you’re done with them, don’t put them back anywhere near your wife’s pill box.
Knead those five pills into the hunk of liver sausage, and then work that combination of meat and pills into a bite- sized sphere.
Fashion a similarly-sized sphere of liver sausage (minus the pills) for the healthy dog – for the sake of a happy home.
Feed the meatballs to two ravenously hungry golden retrievers.
Go into the bathroom and throw up.
Then wash your hands thoroughly.
(Leave out the second-to-the-last step if you possibly can. It’s completely unnecessary although it adds to the drama, somewhat.)
I hope I’ve brightened your day.