Many years ago my dad described me in one of his famous Christmas Letters as “a walking encyclopedia of useless information.” What inspired that characterization was my fondness to spouting off trivia without the least bit of prompting or provocation. For instance, we might be on a trip and driving through a small town, and if the sign said Mount Merry pop. 1215 I would announce to anyone within earshot “1215- that’s the year that the Magda Carta was signed!” Stuff like that. (It’s a wonder that my parents in utter exasperation didn’t dump me off at a gas station in Duluth.)
Most of what’s up in my noggin is indeed useless information, but tonight was a different story! The tale begins last night when Kathy joined the cast of “Seussical” following their final performance for a celebratory dinner at one of our favorite restaurants, The Chancery. One fun thing they do there is that each month they have a newly prepared placemat with various specials listed for most of the dates of that month. She noticed that they were doing something special the next night (tonight) for President’s Day. Name All of the Presidents in Order and Your Meal is Free!
It was so funny walking in there tonight knowing with utter certainty that I would be eating for free. (As I walked past the front desk, I was literally thinking to myself “I know something you don’t know.”) How? It starts back when I was in eighth grade and we were about to move from Decorah to Atlantic- and the kids in my Sunday School class at Good Shepherd gave me as a going away present a commemorative coin collection with all of the presidents through Harry Truman. . .and during that first lonely summer in Atlantic, I find myself taking out that coin folder again and again, and almost by accident I memorized all of the presidents- and I’ve known them cold ever since.
And indeed, when the manager came to our table after we were done eating, list in hand, I proceeded to list our nation’s chief executives in order… George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Martin van Buren, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, James K. Polk, Zachary Taylor, Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, James Buchanan, Abraham Lincoln, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant, Rutherford B. Hayes, James Garfield, Chester Arthur, Grover Cleveland, Benjamin Harrison, Grover Cleveland again, William McKinley, Theodore Roosevelt, William Howard Taft, Woodrow Wilson, Warren Harding, Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Harry S. Truman, Dwight D. Eisenhower, John F. Kennedy, Lyndon B. Johnson, Richard M. Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Barack Obama. I rattled them off quickly and without a hitch except for swallowing wrong as I said Warren Harding’s name. . . otherwise no sweat at all – and as I finished the last name, I felt like Brett Favre after throwing four touchdown passes.
Actually, the sweetest moment was not when I finished the list – but rather being told by the manager that I was the first and only person all day and all night to manage the feat successfully. Plenty of people had tried but nobody made it all the way through. (More than one person tried sneaking a look at their Blackberry or iPhone, which was strictly forbidden. I think we would call that the Barry Bonds method of success. ) I was the only one who did it, and I did it “clean.”
Actually, come to think of it, the sweetest moment was actually when I was nearing the end of the list and looked over at my wife and saw this look on her face that was 25% “don’t screw this up” . . . 25% “you are such a nerd” . . . and 50% “I’m proud of you and I love you.” At least that’s how I’m choosing to interpret the beguiling and enigmatic smile that was on my wife’s face. I may not be much to look at on the beach, but at least I know my presidents. And for once, that was not useless information at all!
pictured above: in mid-list, probably around Rutherford B. Hayes. And for good luck, I’m wearing my Thomas Jefferson tie.