One of the moments from this past weekend which I most vividly remember occurred Friday afternoon when my nephews Kaj and Henry were swimming at the Country Inn and Suites where Kathy and I were staying. They swam the night before as well, when the place was completely deserted, and as we got there this time around they once again had the pool all to themselves. But maybe ten minutes later, several other kids showed up to swim. . . and as always seems to happen, Kaj struck up conversations with them as though they were lifelong friends and Henry easily followed suit and pretty soon they were laughing and splashing and playing like good friends.
And then, as one of them clambered out of the pool, I was stricken with a terrible fear: what would happen if one of them caught sight of Kaj’s deformed hands or feet? Kids being kids, I easily envisioned one of them saying “Ewww! Gross! What’s wrong with your hands?!?” – or worse, laughing at him. And as Kaj climbed out of the water at one point, I found myself hoping that he would move quickly and then jump right back in the water where his hands and feet wouldn’t be quite so visible – and maybe, just maybe, his pool buddies wouldn’t notice anything and have the chance to hurt his feelings. By the way, these seemed like very nice boys who were playing with Kaj and Henry- but even nice kids can hurt one another, especially when caught off guard. I was even writing little scripts in my head, should I find it necessary to step in and set these young boys straight if they dared to mock my nephew. (I’m a fairly gentle soul, but I am so protective of all my nieces and nephews – and Kaj, especially – and that’s when I sense inside of me this gigantic grizzly bear ready to defend its cubs.)
And then I heard Kaj saying to one of his new buddies something about “it doesn’t hurt. No, it really doesn’t hurt.” And when I asked Randi about it (she was sitting next to me at poolside) she explained that when Kaj meets new friends, he almost always mentions his hands and feet before they have a chance to say anything. And quite often, in the swimming pool, Kaj will offer to demonstrate how his feet – which are almost shaped like claws – can be used like claws. So he was reassuring his new buddies that if they let him demonstrate the grip of his feet, it wouldn’t hurt them. Not even a bit. (By the way, they said No Thanks.)
So here was my seven-year-old nephew giving me a lesson in how to handle what for a lot of people might be a terribly awkward situation. Whereas some people with the wrong number of fingers would either stay sequestered in the safety of their own home, or only venture outside if they were wearing mittens, Kaj’s answer is to say “Hey, guys! Wanna see something cool?”
I love Kaj so much . . . and beyond that, I admire him more than I can say.
pictured above: Kaj at the hotel pool. Notice the missing front tooth!