It’s time for a report from the Grace Institute in Sinsinawa, WI – right outside of Dubuque – where I am doing my sixth stint as worship and music leader. The Grace Institute is an extended retreat experience for Lutheran clergy and laity. Here’s how it works- A group of just under 50 gathers for a total of six 3-day retreats which occur here at Sinsinawa over a two year period, before a new group of 50 people comes to begin their own cycle of retreats. Over the course of the three days there are presentations, study groups, times for reflection and meditation – and a total of six worship services which occur. . . an opening liturgy, an evening liturgy with a healing service, a morning liturgy, a vesper service, a morning Eucharist celebration, and a closing liturgy. I have been hired to plan and lead the worship for (I believe) six of these three-day retreats, which means writing the liturgies, choosing the hymns, and in my case composing some things especially for Grace. It has turned out to be a nice match with my particular gifts and doing this has been one of the most satisfying experiences of my life in the church. And each group of 50 has had its own particular dynamic, which makes things especially exciting.
This time around has felt a little bit different – and I know that part of it is that Kathy is with me and has not been feeling well, which has necessitated that I spend more time with her – and I have elected to stay with her at the hotel in Dubuque rather than at the retreat center. Even were she not nursing a nasty stomach bug, I would still have wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, since this is pretty much all we’re going to have for a vacation this summer. But it has meant that I haven’t been with the retreat participants as much as usual and thus feel a little less connected with them, just as they are in turn developing a tremendously close bond amongst themselves. Some powerful and potent friendships have formed and the most profound sort of fellowship is occurring here, pretty much apart from anything I’m contributing to the Grace Institute.
But beyond that, I can’t help but compare this retreat to my last one, which was when this same group of 50 gathered together for the first time last summer. They were so appreciative and enthusiastic about everything I did, to the point where I started to feel like I was J.S. Bach, Dietrich Bonhoeffer and Josh Grobin rolled into one. It seemed like I had people coming up to me all the time thanking me for my music or for the liturgies I had written. In retrospect, I realize now that they were brand new to this and greeting everything with a sort of unbridled delight. This weekend is their fourth retreat together and it really shows in how close they have become with one another- and what I am contributing is being appreciated but not quite with the ticker tape parades of the last time around. Which is fine. . . one should not be doing music for the church if Ticker Tape Parades are what you expect and want. It is not about that. Still, I had trouble trying to figure out why my music didn’t seem to be evoking quite as much enthusiasm as last time. (For instance, I wrote what I thought were really neat verses for a popular Caribbean hymn called “Halle, Halle, Hallelujah!” I’ve always loved this song but regretted that it didn’t have any verses, so I wrote some and they received their very first performances at this morning’s service. Not one single word was said about them . . . which has mostly been the case with just about all of my music this time around. The most enthusiastic response to anything I’ve done this time was the closing hymn at last night’s service, “let all mortal flesh keep silence,” which of course isn’t one of my compositions. True, I chose it – and I played it – but otherwise I do not get to take credit for it. Not even close.)
But the rest of the answer didn’t occur to me until I was chatting with one of the leaders and wrestling with how it would work to do the prayers of intercession a certain way for our Eucharist service tomorrow. As my friend Myron Herzberg was saying that he liked the idea very much, he added “that’s the way that ‘Marty’ did it last time around.” And suddenly I was reminded that the Grace Institute has repeatedly brought in none other than Marty Haugen, perhaps the most highly-regarded contemporary composer in the Lutheran church today, to do worship and music. So the good folks of the Grace Institute have been treated to the very very best that church music has to offer, with Marty Haugen himself. Suddenly I felt like a very small fish in a very big pond.
And suddenly I felt very foolish to have been worrying about compliments at all. It’s as though I had never before heard the words Soli deo Gloria – To God Alone be the Glory. I may be 48 years old but this reminds me that I have a lot to learn and much room to grow.