There’s not much hint of it to judge by his rather grim facial expression, but I’m hoping that this past weekend was one of the happiest and most satisfying of my father’s life – and I’m pretty sure it was. It was the celebration of his 75th birthday (about a month after the actual occasion) and we managed what has been impossible for over two years- – – for all four of his children, plus spouses/partners and their children, to be gathered together under one roof, for a weekend’s worth of togetherness. It’s what he wanted more than anything – more than any elaborate trips or fancy gifts – and it was a pleasure to oblige him.
We first converged Friday evening- actually Steve, Randi and Nate & Co. fairly early that night and Kathy and I around 9:30, thanks to a plethora of last-minute headaches that delayed our departure. But my family welcomed us warmly when we finally straggled in (we were afraid that most people might have retreated to the hotel by then, but everyone was up and around and having a good time- even the little grandkids – lucky for us.) Saturday morning was spent at Madison’s Farmer’s Market in Capitol Square, which is to farmer’s markets what Cadillac is to cars. . . simply the best. The afternoon was quite relaxing, although I worked up quite a sweat playing some “football” with Matt and my two young nephews. I put the quotes around the word “football” for a reason, as I will explain in a later blog entry. Later in the afternoon, Kathy and I went with my dad to a local Art Film theater to watch a documentary which he absolutely loved and very much wanted me to see- a tribute to folk singer Pete Seeger which indeed stands with the very best documentaries I have ever seen. A glorious meal was enjoyed by all after that – meatballs, mashed potatoes, lefsa, the works…. and then some singing after that in preparation for the program which occurred midway through Sunday’s reception.
Sunday morning was fun because dad and Sonja’s church, Advent Lutheran, did my “O the Joy” service and the family provided special music. Lunch was back at dad and Sonja’s with our relatives from Milwaukee, the Barbians- and then the birthday bash itself back at church – a catered reception attended by over a hundred people who wanted to wish my father well. Among those gathered there, aside from family, were friends from most of the churches he has served over the years, including Dean and Pat Farr who now live in Illinois but who grew up in my dad’s first parish in Colton, South Dakota. (Dean’s mother Joyce was my mom’s best friend.) So it was friends from far and wide, representing a wide swath of years and experiences who gathered for the fun.
The reception culminated in the other major request from my father- a musical program featuring members of the family. It was my responsibility to shepherd that to fruition, and it turned out to be a little like “herding cats” – to borrow an often used metaphor for what it’s like for a single parent to manage several young kids. But it came together in the end and people seemed to really enjoy the mix of laughter, poignancy, and beauty that it entailed.
Once all of the guests had gone, the Bergs retreated back to our hotel with Sonja’s children/ grandchildren and a chance for Marcia/Jan/Cindy to spend some time with Greg/Peter/ Bobby, if you know what I mean. It really turned out to be fun. At the end of the evening were photographs before Kathy and I had to hit the road in order to be back at a civilized hour and ready for a full day of Monday.
But back to the photo. If there is anyone who has a right to look a bit grim in that photograph, it would be Sonja – who worked SO incredibly hard all weekend long to make everything as perfect as possible. Just the wonderful meals she prepared for us (with some help from Steve) were amazing in and of themselves- on top of all she did to prepare for the reception, the setup, the tear down, etc. etc. We tried to be helpful but it was not always easy for us to keep up with the tasks at hand, and we came away from the festivities with nothing but gratitude (and amazement) at how hard she worked, and with a smile on her face. It’s as though nothing could give her more pleasure than to make this a once-in-a-lifetime experience for my dad. I said words to that effect just before we sang the doxology at the reception – and Steve had the idea of us toasting Sonja that evening at the hotel – but in fact she deserved a ticker tape parade and her name in lights for all she did for my dad and for all of us.
“Ubuntu – We live because of others” were the words on my dad’s birthday cake- and this weekend really embodied the truth of those words. There is nothing more important in our lives than that which we receive through our relationships with others. . . and I think we all came away from this weekend with a renewed sense of how rich all of us are when it comes to the great people in our lives and how much they mean to us. . . be they dear friends, siblings, children, spouses, partners, parents- and even those dear departed souls who have touched our lives. At one point in the reception, while talking with family friend Laurie Schwarz about her mom Ruth and my mom (who both died in the fall of 1988, not long after Matt and Randi were married), I started to cry. And it says something about the powerful connection we have with the special people in our lives that they can be gone from our lives for almost twenty years (or more) and yet we can love them and miss them so potently. (Proving, of course, that they’re not gone from our lives at all.)
So I came away from this weekend feeling incredibly rich and happy – and I’m hoping my dad was feeling that same sense of richness and happiness times ten, even as he stared into the camera with no hint of it on his face. Or is that a look of great peace and satisfaction that we see?