It was indeed an incredible trip which Kathy and I just took- but not quite perfect. No trip ever is. Here are a few snafus/disappointments/surprises that served to make the trip even more interesting. . .
THE CHICAGO CRAWL: It sure would be nice if a trip like this didn’t have to both begin and end with a drive through the mess that is Chicagoland. In fact, as we were sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way back – and at that point, we were only as far as Gary, Indiana – I joked to Kathy that it would be faster if we took a ferry across Lake Michigan than crawl through Chicago. But as it turns out, there was far worse traffic going in the other direction, both on our way out and on our way back, so we lucked out.
SMOKEY & THE BANDIT MEETS DELIVERANCE: One of the best things we did was to take a slower and more picturesque route on our way back. But there was a segment of that trip, as we wound through the mountains on state highway 309, that we felt like we were blundering into the middle of the movie “Deliverance” – or maybe “Smokey and the Bandit.” Every other billboard was something about Guns and Ammo – we had no 3G signal, which meant that we couldn’t access any of our NPR goodies – and at one intersection we found ourselves in the middle of some kind of drag race being held right on the road we were traveling. Actually, it wasn’t a race at all. There was a group of about 30 overweight guys standing on the side of the road at a major intersection, cheering on one car after another as they revved their engines and then roared off, wheels squealing. And there we were in our white Highlander, feeling as out of place as a string quartet at a heavy metal concert. We were glad to make it through that bit of weirdness and to finally make our way back into normal civilization.
THE DUMBEST DRIVER OF THEM ALL: We still can’t believe that we found ourselves in the middle of Indiana stuck behind a pokey driver in the left lane who appeared to be conducting music…. until we realized that he or she (it turned out to be a she) seemed intent on staying even with a semi-truck in the right lane. And then we figured it out: she was gesturing for the trucker to toot his horn (or whatever you call it). And as soon as the trucker finally gave in and did so, the car sped up and moved over to the right lane. And as we finally passed her, I tried to give her the iciest glare I could. Unfortunately, she was too clueless to notice. (Can you tell I’m still ticked?)
AN ‘F’ IN GEOGRAPHY: If I’m going to point out the moronic behavior of certain drivers, it’s only fair that I confess to an incredibly dumb question I asked during an impromptu stopover in State College, PA (home of Penn State.) We were delighted to visit my cousin Kristian and his wife Kay, but we also knew that we had a long drive still ahead of us and were still trying to calculate how much further we would drive that evening before stopping for the night. “Do you have any idea,” I asked Kristian, “how far we are from the Pennsylvania/Indiana border?” Kris gave me a quick look of bewilderment before asking me “do you mean the Pennsylvania/Ohio border?” It made me mighty glad that I wasn’t a contestant on “Are you Smarter than a Fifth Grader?” at the time.
MADE IN CHINA: We had a lovely time visiting Amish Country in Lancaster, PA- but I must admit that there is more than a whiff of “Wisconsin Dells” to the place. Not that there’s a water park on every corner, but it’s much more of a tourist trap than I remember from the last time I visited (which was more than 35 year ago) … and Kathy and I were dismayed to find that most of what was on sale in the gift shops bore these disturbing words: Made In China. The best part of our time in Lancaster was taking a buggy ride off of the main road and into the countryside, where we passed many Amish people and ultimately ended up on a peaceful Amish farm. But then we found ourselves dismayed all over again to learn that most Amish farmers are spraying pesticides and are engaging in quite a number of standard modern farm practices, many of which are not kind to the earth – because they believe there is no other way they can possibly compete in the modern marketplace. Between that and the signs that said “Amish Stuff,” it was hard not to feel a little bit sad.
TIMES SQUARE CRAZINESS: One of the most remarkable places on earth is Times Square- not just because of those spectacular signs that soar into the sky, but even more because of the people swarming around them on the ground. One has a sense that they come from all corners of the earth, and there is a tremendous air of excitement and electricity in the air- at least in part because there’s hardly any place to sit, so almost everyone is constantly moving, like the world’s most chaotic bee hive. What we found a bit disconcerting and even troubling was the crass commercial atmosphere of the place. I suppose a place with a gigantic Coca-Cola billboard looming above it could be nothing else, but there is something very wearying about the desperate sales pitches that assail you from every side…. for bus tours, bicycle rentals, comedy club tickets. And now what one sees more and more of are strangers strolling the inner “island” of Times Square dressed as various fictional characters: Spiderman, Superman, Spongebob Squarepants and the like. Sometimes the costume appears to be fairly legitimate but in other cases the costume looks quite homemade. But in nearly every case, all of this is completely unlicensed and unauthorized- people dressing up in costume with the hope that tourists will want to have their photo taken with them, a transaction which might yield them a few bucks. A few such characters sprinkled throughout Times Square would be fine – would be fun – but in my curmudgeonly opinion, an amusing sprinkling has become an obnoxious irritation. I know that the carefully coiffed world of Disney should not be the template for all of our gathering places, but part of me wishes that Times Square’s craziness could be reined in ever so slightly. But maybe that would destroy the spirit of the place.
I think one reason why I saw Times Square through new eyes this trip was because Kathy and I also spent quite a bit of time in Central Park …. which is a much more civil and civilized place, an open-air cathedral of sorts. There’s all kinds of fun there, of course – and also that same sense that you are amongst people from all corners of the world – but you also can’t help but observe that people in Central Park know how to behave, know how to enjoy the place together. And it makes me realize that while I will always enjoy paying visits to Times Square, in my heart and soul I am more of a Central Park Person…. and always will be.
HUNGER GAMES: We ate well on this trip, which is no surprise. But we nearly starved to death in Princeton, NJ, believe it or not! Here’s the story: After our Philadelphia visit, we drove our car to Princeton (actually Princeton Junction), parked our car there (for just $5 per day- which is incredibly cheap!) and took the commuter train into NYC. All of that, logistically, worked perfectly. (Thanks, Scott, for working out all of those details.) So when we took the train back to Princeton Saturday morning and found our car right there where he had left it, we were feeling spectacularly good about ourselves and wanted nothing more than to celebrate with a hearty breakfast. But do you think we could find a place to have breakfast, even with Google Maps? No. We drove and drove – in circles on more than one occasion – following signs that supposedly pointed us to Malls and Restaurants – but for awhile it looked like we were going to have to choose between something called Cheeburgers Cheeburgers …. and Hooters! In Princeton!!! Finally, we settled for the cafe at Heavenly Ham (or something like that), although there were no places to sit and we had to find a bench outside where we could enjoy our sandwiches. They were good at least- but I for one couldn’t wait to leave Princeton and re-enter the rest of America, where there’s a Perkins on every street corner and another golden arches right around the corner. . . and maybe even some “Amish Stuff” for sale.
Or am I just talking strangely?
pictured above: this is the establishment next door to the restaurant in Lancaster County where we had supper. We chose it because the guy in charge of the buggy rides told us that it was one of the favorite places for the locals – and indeed, we saw a number of Amish folks eating supper there amidst the tourists. But I wonder what they think when they leave the restaurant and see this place next door, with its gaudy-looking “Amish Stuff” sign.