It was just over a quarter of a century ago that I was sitting in my car in the parking lot of Popeye’s Chicken in downtown Racine, eating a sinfully unhealthy dinner and debating whether or not I should appear at a job interview scheduled to begin in the next half hour – an interview about which I was scared to death. The job in question was Minister of Music at Holy Communion Lutheran Church, and if I got the job, it meant that I would be following in the footsteps of Dr. John Windh, the highly regarded director of the Carthage Choir for 37 years and the choir director at Holy Communion for the last 20 years. And I would be doing so with essentially no experience whatsoever. True, I took choral conducting at Luther -and true, as president of Nordic Choir my senior year I was responsible for a tiny handful of rehearsals when Mr. Noble was absent. . . and at my church in Chicago I had directed the children’s choir for a year. And true, I had grown up in the church and knew the in’s and out’s of the typical worship service and church year as well as some pastors. But stand in front of a first- rate adult choir as their director? I had never done that in my life, and the thought of attempting such a feat and plummeting to the earth in flames was terrifying to me.
So as I sat there in my car, eating my fried chicken and red beans & rice and biscuit (don’t forget those mouth-watering biscuits) I kept asking myself whether or not I should go through with this interview, if I was feeling such profound concerns about it. Surely they wouldn’t offer me the job if they didn’t think I could do it, would they? On the other hand, what if they were inclined to take a chance on someone young and eager, even if they lacked experience? How would it feel to have that kind of trust placed in me? Those kind of hopes pinned on me? And what if those hopes. . . that trust . . . proved to be misplaced or misguided? What about the choir? How receptive would they be to an inexperienced youngster after having been directed by the likes of Dr. John Windh? How patient would they be?
What ultimately nudged me towards going to the interview was the fact that the church’s worship & music committee had already conducted four or five interviews with other finalists- interviews which I was unable to attend because of a conflict. (I think I had rehearsal with the Kenosha Symphony that night.) And when they didn’t feel right about hiring any of those finalists, the chair of the committee (John Berge) called me to say that they were still interested in talking with me, if I was still interested in the position. That told me that they were a smart, careful group – and surely they wouldn’t offer me something I wasn’t capable of handling. And besides that, how rude would it have been for me to stand up these perfectly nice men and women who would have been left sitting there, wondering what happened to me. Much as I wanted to retreat back to my apartment and avoid the whole thing, I just couldn’t bring myself to be that impolite. And maybe there was also the nudge of the Holy Spirit, which Pastor Mark Doidge described so well this past Sunday in his sermon as that force which so often inspires us to take risks we would otherwise never take.
So I went.
I actually have almost no recollection of the interview itself. I remember the room – and I remember a couple of the people who were there – but I can’t remember a single question I was asked, let alone what any of my answers were. But last Sunday, Jeri Smith – who was on the search committee and was at that fateful meeting – recently described to me how much I actually went out of my way to convey just how inexperienced I was as a church musician… probably the single dumbest thing a job applicant can do in an interview. One way to interpret that is to say that I hoped I wouldn’t be hired. But I think I just had to be honest and open, because the last thing I wanted was to be hired for a job I couldn’t do.
Well, they must have liked something they saw or something I said because they hired me . . . but on a probationary basis. They wanted to see me on the job for six months and determine at that point whether or not I was the right person for the job. At Sunday’s celebration, someone asked me if being hired on that basis irritated me at all. On the contrary, I replied- I think it made perfect sense and, in some weird sort of way, it made it easier for me to take on the challenge.
As for those next six months, they have almost completely faded from my memory – except what it felt like to walk into that choir room and confront a group of about 25 singers… who had among them several music teachers, a high school choir conductor, and a section leader for the Milwaukee Symphony Chorus! And not just that, they had enjoyed the skilled, nuanced, experienced leadership of Dr. Windh for twenty-some years. So in some ways it felt like they were taking a piece of precious china and handing it to a young, clumsy orangutang. Or maybe a better way to put it is to use the image of a gigantic seven-layer wedding cake. Six of the layers had been exquisitely frosted and decorated- but the top layer is bare. And someone hands me a pastry bag and a couple of tools I don’t even know how to hold and says “your turn – finish this.”
Well, 25 years later, I can’t say that I’ve decorated my part of the cake the way Dr. Windh decorated his. That would have been impossible. He had his own array of skills and experience, and I have mine. And I’m sure that there have been plenty of times when people missed his elegance and grace and flawless instinct for beauty. To stay with the cake metaphor, it would be a bit like starting out with a gorgeous Martha Stewart-type cake, and then finding that the top layer is being decorated in red, white and blue – or with the figurines of Marvel Super Heroes perched on top. I’m sure that’s what the transition must have felt like to some people. But by and large, people were patient – and supportive – and ultimately appreciative. And at the end of six months, I was told to keep going.
25 years later, I still am.
And that’s why we had a big celebration this past Sunday. But that’s another story . . .
pictured above: Some of the spectacularly decorated cakes at Carlo’s Bakery (home of TV’s “The Cake Boss.”)