Sunday was the confirmation of our goddaughter, Anneka Barrow, along with a number of other young people at Holy Communion – and it was yet another one of those moments when you’re stopped dead in your tracks wondering where in the world the time has gone. It seems like only yesterday that Kathy, Chip and I had to sing a Caritas concert without our soprano, Kate Barrow, because she was otherwise occupied giving birth to a baby daughter. Can it really be fourteen years ago that Anneka was welcomed into the world?
Pastor Jeff gave an absolutely blue ribbon sermon Sunday morning – speaking directly to the confirmands (and allowing the rest of us to listen in) and talking with humor and poignancy about the intense desire which parents have to try and keep their children safe. He said at one point in order to give a real world example of that, “Anneka, I wonder if you realize that before you were even born, we were baby-proofing the kitchen cabinets and the light sockets and doing whatever else we could to make the world a little bit safer for you.” He also talked about how he and Kate were so scared about living on Washington Ave, one of the busiest streets in all of Racine, that they tried to convince Anneka that if she ever ventured out into the street without one of them holding her hand, she would melt into the pavement like the Wicked Witch of the West. Well, it must have worked because she’s still here – safe and sound and having grown up into an absolutely wonderful young lady.
And I would like to think that one reason why she has turned out so wonderfully is because she’s got the best godmother in the world. If I was really pompous, I would say a word about her great godfather also, except that I am WAY behind my wife in the godparenting department. I mean, in the pantheon of great godparents she’s Thomas Jefferson and I’m Millard Fillmore. And it’s not even that she’s done anything particularly fancy or extravagant; she’s just really put her heart and soul into being a special friend to Anneka with whom she could talk about anything at all and with whom she has shared many a hearty laugh and many a tear as well. And one thing I love about the connection between them is that it has always been strong and heartfelt, whether Anneka was three or thirteen. (Some relationships peter out at some point, but not this one.) And I know that one thing that has surely helped to sustain it is that Kate has cherished and nurtured the bond between Anneka and Kathy, knowing that her daughter would be all the richer for it. And on every Mother’s Day since Anneka was born, there has been some gesture of appreciation from the Barrows to Kathy . . . and I know that is something Kathy has deeply appreciated over the years. She may not be a mom herself, but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t done some powerful mothering, all the same.
The truth be told, Anneka has an amazing mom – Kate is one of the all-time great moms, in fact – so in some ways it seems almost extravagant for Anneka to have such a devoted godmother as well. (Some children go through life with neither.) But if anything, being so lavishly loved has only made Anneka a still more loving person herself- so sensitive- so compassionate – and so appreciative. . . all traits I deeply admire, especially in someone her age.
There are a lot of stories i could tell about Anneka – but I’ll limit myself to one. I remember one trip we made to Minnesota to visit Kate’s parents . . . and somehow I ended up driving Jeff and Kate’s van back home to Racine with Anneka, Jackson, and a friend of Jackson’s who came along. Somewhere between Madison and Milwaukee (on I-94) Jackson’s young friend threw up . . . and at a glance it looked like he had thrown up half of his body weight and then some. I advised Jackson and Anneka to open up the windows, but the smell and the sight were just too awful, and I decided to take the next exit and find something with which to clean up the mess. A lot of kids Anneka’s age would have spent those ten miles complaining or sullen- but instead she kept asking this kid if he was okay, if he wanted to lie down, if he wanted anything . . . and she also kept saying to him “Please don’t feel bad. It wasn’t your fault.” As I gripped the steering wheel ever tighter and tried to ignore the worsening stench wafting up from the back of the van, I couldn’t help but marvel at how mature Anneka was being- and so selfless.
By the way, I got a little dose of what it’s like to be a parent that day. As we finally pulled into the parking lot of a convenience store, the three kids barreled out of that van like bullets shot from a gun – and it was left to me to go inside, buy some plastic garbage bags and some Lysol spray, and then head right back to the van and do what I could to clean up that mess without adding my own contribution to it, if you know what I mean. What helped me through that miserable ordeal was that every so often, Anneka’s concerned voice would pipe up from outside “do you need any help?” I could tell she hoped the answer was ‘no’- and the answer was no – but the fact that she would even ask was pretty impressive. That’s Anneka, both then and now.
So Jeff and Katie have done far more than just keep Anneka safe and fairly unscathed. They have also helped nurture her into a lovely, giving, fascinating human being who is already making a difference in the world. One of the best images from Jeff’s sermon yesterday was when he said that it might be tempting to think of raising children as basically moving them into larger and larger protective car seats. . . when in fact the ultimate goal of raising children – and in instructing confirmands – is that they will someday be able to take the wheel. I have no doubt that Anneka will take the wheel very very effectively, and in some ways has already begun doing so. And although it is her parents who deserve most of the credit for this, I’d like to think that Kathy has been , figuratively speaking, one of Anneka’s favorite Driver’s Ed teachers!
And heaven knows the world is going to need some skllled drivers in the coming years. A simple glance at newspaper headlines should yield ample evidence of how much is wrong with the world right now. O that we were handing Anneka and her peers a better world than we are – and a simpler set of challenges to face. But I also believe that Anneka is the kind of person who will make her corner of the world a better place simply by being in it. And that’s true because of her folks – and because of the love she has received from all of the friends and family members who crowded into the Barrow home for Sunday afternoon’s celebration. And Anneka is also who she is because of Kathy Berg – godmother extraordinaire – and the truly precious friendship they have enjoyed almost from the day Anneka was born.
pictured: Kate Barrow, Anneka Barrow, and Kathy Berg. This picture was actually taken a couple of weeks ago before Anneka went to her first homecoming dance.