“One way to remember who you are is to remember who your heroes are.” Steve Jobs
I knew I was going to meet a hero on Wednesday. It was Captain James Hawkins, commanding officer of the Great Lakes Naval Base in North Chicago, one of the largest and most important military training facilities in the world. Ordinarily, I would not have had the opportunity to interview someone of his stature, but Captain Hawkins was born and raised in Kenosha – and that local connection was what made it possible. And although I was incredibly nervous going into the interview, it proved to be a complete pleasure. Captain Hawkins could not have been more gracious or friendly or articulate. And as he spoke, it was clear that he loves his country and takes justifiable pride in the important work he has done for all of his adult life. It was also clear that Captain Hawkins is a man of peace with a profound understanding of how our national strength can and must be used for good.
Little did I realize that I would be face to face with a second hero later that very morning. His name is Steve Koss, and he was at our studios with his wife Becky to talk about the Koss Family Foundation – which they started as a way to help families in Racine contend with the non-medical financial expenses that are so often incurred when someone is diagnosed with cancer and finds their ability to earn a living either badly hindered or even ended altogether. It’s makes an already painful ordeal even more difficult, and Steve and Becky want to do something about that. It was only when I met them and began hearing their story that I realized the extent of the difficulties with which they themselves are contending. Steve was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer just two years ago, and is battling for his life. But somehow, even while in the throes of something so devastating – and while raising their 9-year-old son – Steve and Becky have been able to think beyond their own sorrow and suffering, determined to help others facing a similar ordeal. Part of what inspired them was the lavish kindness and generosity they themselves received from family, friends, coworkers and even from members of the community who were essentially complete strangers. Steve and Becky were determined to Pay It Forward, and they hope that their Koss Family Foundation will be able to make a real difference in people’s lives for many years to come.
I had read about all of this in a news release, but it was only as I sat across from them in the studio and heard them tell their story in their own words that I finally began to appreciate just how courageous and selfless they are under circumstances that could so easily create bitterness and self-absorption. Tremendous good is already emerging from something so terrible- and I found myself shaking my head in wonderment at their wisdom and generosity. I don’t mean to describe them in superhuman terms; this is still an awful ordeal, and tears were shed in the course of the conversation (some of them by me.) But they are pouring heart and soul into this effort to create something that will be a force for good long after they’re gone. I don’t know if cancer will ever be a challenge that I am forced to confront, but I cannot imagine that I would have it within myself to meet it the way that Steve Koss has – or the way my friend Walter confronted MS – or the way my friend Playford confronted ALS. Then again, it is when we are thrown into the fire of suffering that we often find strength and courage that we never imagined could be ours.
“Our heroes are those who do things which we recognize, with regret, and sometimes with secret shame, that we cannot do.” Mark Twain
(Pictured below: Steve and Becky are flanked by Samira Gdisis and Emily Montgomery- whose Studios on 16th is a partner in a major fundraiser for the Koss Family Foundation on March 11. Both Samira and Emily have also been touched by cancer in various ways, so this effort means a lot to them as well.)
That same day, while most of the world was mourning the death of television icon Mary Tyler Moore (someone who fought heroically against all kinds of difficulties and challenges in her life) there was another death that did not dominate the headlines but still left tremendous sorrow in its wake. A beautiful 22-year-old named Jess died after an incredibly courageous battle with brain cancer. Kathy and I got to meet her because she was the fiancee of my first cousin once removed, Lars – and the two of them had attended a family wedding in the summer of 2015. Kathy and I had already heard a lot about Jess at that point, so meeting her and getting acquainted at the wedding was a great delight. She had a vibrant personality and a very sincere interest in others – plus a very keen intelligence and creativity. And by that point, she was already courageously confronting cancer …. an unfathomable burden for someone so young. But she wasn’t facing it alone. She was surrounded by all kinds of people who loved her- including Lars, who could not have been more devoted to her. Their story – which is not mine to tell, so I’m just leaving it at that – is a potent reminder that wisdom and courage and selflessness …. and yes, heroism … is sometimes demonstrated by the young in ways that are truly astounding and utterly inspiring. It also reminds us that heroism can be truly gentle.
“A hero is an ordinary human being who does the best of things in the worst of times.” Leon Leyson
And then there are stories like the one that played out today, when mourners gathered together to pay their respects to a dear man by the name of Marv Fedders, whose long life had contained a lot of joys but also such savage losses as the tragic death of one of his sons and the protracted suffering of deteriorating health over his last years. In the eyes of the world, this was not a man one would call ‘heroic’ – and yet there is something undeniably heroic about shouldering life’s disappointments and defeats as bravely and graciously as he did. And for that matter, there was something heroic about the moment when my father-in-law, Marv’s best friend, got up at the funeral and sang the song “Old Friends” in honor of his treasured friend – summoning up the courage from somewhere deep within his soul. He also tried to be a faithful friend to Marv in these last couple of years, even though it had to be painful to see him in such painful physical decline. I found the relentlessness of his love for Marv to be so touching and inspiring.
“Perhaps elements like tenacity and humility combine to form a heroic compound.” Brad Herzog
So what is the common thread between all of these heroes and heroines? I didn’t know until this morning when I came across these words from one of my favorite writers, Brad Meltzer:
Heroes do not just fight for themselves; they fight for others.
There it is. True Heroism is rooted in a concern for others. And that puts True Heroism within the grasp of all of us. It has nothing to do with extraordinary gifts or superhuman strength or exceptional talents and everything to do with the openness of our hearts. That’s why I still think that the most heroic moment in Brett Favre’s long and distinguished career did not occur on the football field- but rather in a press conference for the Make A Wish Foundation. At one point, Brett looked down at the gentle little girl standing next to him, who suffered from a rare brain disorder- and started to cry, unafraid to show the world how much his heart broke for these young children and how fiercely determined he was to do something to make their lives better. At that moment, Brett was a hero who stood ten feet tall. And it had nothing to do with his talents as a football player. It was his heart that made him a Hero.
And in the world in which we live right now, True Heroes – those who stand up for others – have never been more important …. or more desperately needed.