It began with me lying in the arms of my wife – which normally would be a lovely place to be.

Unfortunately,  I was unconscious at the time.

It was 5:50 Tuesday morning.  I got into the shower feeling really lousy for the fourth or fifth day in a row- and this was probably my lousiest day yet. I felt warm, clammy,  sick to my stomach, achy …. you name it … as I climbed into the shower, hoping that the steam would help me feel a little better.

Instead – after just a few seconds –  I fainted, collapsing in a helpless heap.  The next thing I remember is my terrified wife taking me in her arms,  trying to revive me.  It was a really disconcerting moment for me, and a terrifying experience for her … and also the beginning of what I’m now thinking of as a much needed Lesson in Fragility and Humility for me.

I have to say that I am so thankful for my wife’s coolness under fire.   After somehow getting me back into bed,  she calmly called Schulte Elementary to explain that she wouldn’t be in – and also called WGTD to let them know that I was not going to be there.  (Thank goodness for Dave McGrath’s ability to step in and take care of two different interviews I was scheduled to do that day.)  And once 7:00 rolled around,  we were off to the Urgent Care Clinic, where they were able to determine that nothing was too drastically wrong with me- although it wasn’t yet clear just what had caused me to faint.   Satisfied that I was in no immediate danger,  they had me sign a form saying that they had offered me the chance to be taken to the ER via the rescue squad-  an offer which of course I had declined.  But just seconds after signing that form, I fainted again – this time while seated – and by the time I had come to  (some 45 seconds later) the form had been torn up and an ambulance was on its way to bring me to the hospital.   And it’s an indication of how scared I was that I didn’t even think about raising a peep of protest.

I ended up being in the hospital for just over 24 hours, during which I was subjected to a battery of tests,  including my first CT scan,  my first ultrasound,  and my first stress test –  all of which,  I’m happy to say,  I passed with flying colors.  What was odd about the experience was that passing all of those tests so emphatically should have left me feeling like a million dollars – because it was confirmation that I was even healthier than I thought I was.   But something about undergoing all of those tests just underscored for me how many things can go wrong in our bodies and lead to troubles large or small.  And while some of those troubles can be traced to poor choices we make, others can simply befall us for the most capricious of reasons.  It left me feeling very grateful that I am as healthy as I am – and also humbled to know that my good health is an undeserved gift that I am entirely too prone to take for granted.

I found myself humbled for another very different reason.   Those of you who know me would not be surprised at how unhappy and frustrating it was for me to be confined to a hospital bed – even for just 24 hours.   The time absolutely dragged by,  to the extent that when I was “finally” released 22 hours after having been admitted,  I honestly felt like I had been there for a week.   I arrived there with absolutely nothing with me to keep me entertained and engaged (because we had no idea that I was hospital-bound)  … so in desperation I asked if the nurse could possibly lay her hands on anything for me to read until my wife was able to bring me something from home.   She seemed genuinely surprised by the request- or maybe by the urgency with which I had the request – but within a few minutes, she was there with two magazines she hoped I would enjoy:

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I can’t say that I had ever held either a hunting magazine or a tractor magazine in my hands – ever! – but I was actually grateful to have something to read – even something as outrageously ill-fitting as these two magazines were.   I was grateful as well for the Chicken Soup for the Soul Word Search Book – and the Better Homes & Gardens Easy Crossword Puzzles Volume Two – because it gave me something to look at besides the four walls of my hospital room – and something to do.  (It’s a sign of how out-of-it I was that it never even dawned on me to turn on the television in my room!)   And eventually Kathy was able to come with a wonderful new book about Fiddler on the Roof plus my score to The Marriage of Figaro that kept me more than occupied for the rest of my stay.  One thing that amazes me is that I refrained from asking Kathy to bring me my laptop.  Perhaps on some level I thought she might flat-out refuse me,  but I think even beyond that was my own realization that my time in the hospital needed to be a time to stop, breathe deeply, and step away decidedly from whatever challenges and stresses may have played a role in landing me in that hospital bed in the first place.   I don’t like to think of myself as that fragile- but like everyone else,  I am.

I think I was even more humbled the next morning when it came time to order my breakfast.  I had eaten ravenously the night before (in part because I didn’t eat one morsel of food Tuesday until about 4:40)  and after the rigors of my Wednesday morning stress test,  I was looking forward to a sturdy breakfast.  But no sooner had I placed my order for eggs and sausage that the voice on the other end of the line informed me that I was restricted in my choices because I was in the cardio unit.   So no real eggs-   no sausage — no bacon-  nothing “fun” whatsoever.   I had not had any restrictions whatsoever the night before,  so this came as an unwelcome surprise-  especially given the fact that I had just passed my stress test “with flying colors,” to quote the cardiologist.   I was thunderstruck-  and angry-  and essentially hung up the phone in disgust,  to my poor wife’s embarrassment.   Eventually I calmed down enough to call the cafeteria back, in a somewhat cheerier mood,  and ordered lunch instead –  sticking to all heart-friendly entrees without (outward) complaint.   It was just one more way in which I felt like my life had been snatched out of my own control and I didn’t like it one bit!     It was only quite a bit later (after I was out of the hospital)  that I saw a photo on Facebook of a family friend who is battling very serious cancer and waging an incredibly courageous battle.  Thinking about Gary and his plight really helped put into proper perspective my tirade over not being able to order a sausage omelette.   It’s amazing how when the rug has been pulled out from under us,  two things can happen:   we can lose all sense of what really matters, with even the smallest affronts taking on earthshaking significance to us ……   OR we can gain crystal clear clarity of what really matters and be grateful for each and every grace given us.   I would like nothing more than to report that I was an example of the latter- but the former managed to rear its ugly, immature head.  Not my finest hour.

By the way,  the eventual verdict is that my fainting spells were caused by the combination of being dehydrated from the flu AND being on a high blood pressure medication (a water pill) that I no longer need to take, thanks to my weight loss.   So I am off of that medication and newly committed to drinking much more water – and determined to be more careful whenever I am laid low my illness, rather than powering through –  in the hopes that there won’t be any more unexpected dramas like the one that befell me Tuesday morning.  And it is beginning to dawn on me that saying “no” a bit more often wouldn’t be the worst thing either, so I am less apt to be depleted of strength and stamina when I need it most.   And if and when life serves up any more such unpleasant surprises,  I hope I will meet them with a bit more grace and patience.