New Home

Sixty pounds.

Over the past eight months,  I have managed to lose sixty pounds …… which, as a friend of mine pointed out to me,  is the equivalent of losing a small child.  Why did I do it?  And how did I do it?

WHY: I began this for one reason and one reason alone: some blood work revealed that I was right on the edge of becoming diabetic.  I don’t remember the particulars, but I know that in at least one test, my number was 6.4 and officially diabetic is 6.5.  So I was as high in the borderline category as I could possibly be.  It was not surprising news,  given my careless approach to food for so many years,  but it was shocking nevertheless –  and it was exactly the wakeup call I needed.   I walked out of that doctor’s office knowing that the only thing that could alter my trajectory into full-blown diabetes was to achieve significant and healthy weight loss.  It had nothing to do with looking better or feeling younger;  it was all about evading a fate that I had been worried about for quite some time….. the dreaded “D” word.

It’s only now as I have taken this weight off that I have come to understand and appreciate how tired I was feeling and how much better I feel now.  In voice lessons alone I can tell the difference;  where once I would have been content to remain seated on my piano bench for three or four voice lessons in a row,  now I find myself springing to my feet and bounding over to the student 4 or 5 times per lesson in order to more directly work with them on whatever the issue of the moment happens to be.  On the tennis court I find myself managing to make shots that a year ago I would not have even considered trying.   It’s only when I compare ‘now’ with ‘8 months ago that I realize how old I felt before and how much younger I feel now.  But if I hadn’t gotten those alarming numbers from the doctor,  I very much doubt that I would have ever figured out on my own that it was possible for me to feel better than I was.

HOW:  There was never much doubt but that I would undertake my weight loss via a strategy that had worked well for my wife,  Kathy.   A couple of years ago she had enrolled in something called Medical Weight Loss which involved both a gauntlet of careful eating as well as one-on-one counseling for staying on track.  It had worked well for her,  and I followed its basic tenets- almost more fanatically than was necessary.  (But when you’re staring Diabetes in the face,  it’s hard not to be pretty ferocious in one’s pursuit of weight loss.) At its heart,  the program is about cutting back drastically on carbohydrates – to which most of us are addicted.   One gets to eat protein,  but with greater emphasis on lean proteins like poultry.   One needs to focus much more on vegetables and fruits,  and there is a table which spells out which veggies and fruits are the best for you and which are not quite so good.   There are certain foods which are essentially off limits altogether (bananas, potatoes, rice, bread, pasta)   but there are also a few foods (like dill pickles,  lettuce, and spinach) in which we are permitted unlimited amounts.  So you get to eat plenty of food in this program.   Thank God! As the weight has come off,  I’ve relaxed my approach a bit.  I do have bread from time to time (but not nearly as often as I once did) and I do indulge almost daily on a 49 cent vanilla cone from McDonald’s.  (It’s funny how a relatively modest little treat can make all the difference in one’s morale – and one’s capacity to keep at it.)  And when I’m hungry and simply must have a snack between meals,  it’s more often than not a bag of salad or a small container of blueberries or a small veggie tray from  Quik Trip.   No more Kit Kats for me!  I also figured out five or six healthy lunch options I can get (thank you, Soup Depot,  Jimmy John’s,  Subway, Red Robin) as I’m on the fly each and every day. It’s what works for my crazy lifestyle.

Coupled with the wiser eating has been more exercise – which for me has meant:  almost daily walks with the dogs,  more frequent tennis matches with my friend Dave Krueger,  AND an avoidance of elevators whenever possible.  At Carthage this has meant taking the long way from my office in the basement up to Siebert Chapel –  which has meant walking up two flights of stairs and down a long hallway rather than just a simple (and lazy) elevator ride.  If I had one of those Fit Bit devices,  I could tell you how many miles I’ve logged just in getting around the Johnson Arts Center- but whatever the number happens to be,  I know it has made a big difference.

Here is perhaps the single biggest change that I have made …….  since I started this back in late January,  I have not had so much as a single sip of soda.  That might not seem like a big deal to you,  but you have to understand that I was someone who easily drank the equivalent of four large diet cokes every single day (and some days more than that.)   Actually,  the Medical Weight Loss program does not absolutely forbid the drinking of soda,  but someone had told me that the artificial sweeteners in diet soda are a very serious appetite trigger –  so I made the decision to avoid soda altogether.  And amazingly enough,  it has not been a problem at all.   I have my twinges,  of course,  but they are very few and far between.

When is it hardest for me to be good?  Probably the most difficult challenge comes when I’m eating a meal in someone else’s home and I have to resist the temptation to take heaping mounds of food- or to take thirds and fourths and fifths of food that I really like.   I don’t do very well in those situations.  (As my friend Joe Cardamone likes to say,  “I can resist anything except temptation!”)  The other tough time is when I’m at the grocery store and find myself walking past forbidden foods that used to be central staples of my diet.  I get especially sad when I have to walk past all of the delicious and beautiful bread that is available- and it’s maybe the most frustrating part of this diet because bread seems like one of those basic and wholesome foods that shouldn’t be an issue.  And while we’re at it,  I often get a fierce hankering for Jif Peanut Butter.  (Gone are the days,  I’m afraid,  of having TWO peanut butter sandwiches for a midnight snack.)

It’s also tough to have to bypass all of the pasta and pasta sauces-  especially because that used to be one our very favorite meals for Kathy and me-  and by shutting the door on that,  it feels like we’ve left behind something near and dear to our hearts.  There’s something about a pot of spaghetti or penne pasta with Prego or Paul Newman sauce ladled over it that just says “Home.”  Unfortunately,  it says some other things, nutritionally, that just don’t fit into this new life of ours.

And it remains tough to avoid the sweet stuff ….  candy bars like Kit Kats, Nestles Crunch and Hershey’s Krackel ….. and M&M’s.   And almost daily I find myself thinking about doughnuts or muffins or birthday cake or Uh Oh Oreos (the ones with the vanilla cookie and chocolate icing).   But fortunately that little cone from McDonald’s goes a long way towards taming this particular beast.

So how as this managed to work out as well as it has for me? One of the biggest reasons this has worked so well is because Kathy and I have done this together.  What a difference that makes!  We’ve also learned that a few indulgences here and there are actually quite a plus.  When she and I eat a meal at Red Lobster,  we go ahead and eat two of those Splendid but utterly Sinful biscuits- because skipping them altogether would just make us feel miserably deprived.  But we tell the waiter of waitress not to bring us any more after that- and we stick to it.  I suppose it’s a matter of being honest about one’s own weaknesses and finding ways to live with those weaknesses rather than shoving them aside or suppressing them . . . or giving way to them completely.

Just as important is the reason behind doing this.  A few years ago,  I lost this same amount of weight when I was asked by a former voice student,  Trevor Parker, to be a groomsman for his wedding.  I knew that I was going to be standing up there beside several strapping young athletes and was determined not to look like a walrus by comparison.  So I managed to drop 60 pounds from my frame,  only to gain it all back the following year.  The reason that this was not a more permanent change was because it was prompted by the most shallow of motivations-  vanity, and the fact that I paid no attention whatsoever to any of the effects of my weight loss beyond the size of my clothes.   This time around,  however,  I am motivated by a desire for Well Being and a clear recognition that I cannot possibly be healthy – or fully happy – unless I am living within this new framework of responsible eating.  And I have a very clear sense, this time around,  of the difference this has made for me in how I feel and how I function – and I have no intention of slipping back into a pattern of poor choices that would rob me of any of that.

All I can compare this to is what it felt like when I first moved to Chicago in 1985 to become part of the Lyric Opera Center for American Artists.   When I first visited the city with my father for my preliminary audition at the Fine Arts Building down on Michigan Avenue,  I walked around downtown Chicago with one hand resting on my wallet,  so certain was I that at any moment a mugger would leap out and pickpocket me.  When I came back to Chicago to sing in the finals (and successfully secured a place for myself in the program)  I was just as nervous about the city itself and the kind of Great Unknown which it represented for me.

But then, I moved there.   And from a the very first day I actually lived there,  I wasn’t scared anymore.  It’s as though some sort of mental switch went off in my mind that said “I live here now.  This is my home.  I belong here.”   It wasn’t a matter of getting used to the place, because that would have taken days or even weeks.  No, from the very first day I lived there,  I felt a surprising and lovely sense of belonging there.

When it comes to this new way of eating,  this new way of approaching food more mindfully,  it it as though the same mental switch has been flipped inside of me-  and this is where I live now … a place, yes, without pasta or biscuits or Dunkin’ Donuts …..  but also a place where I no longer have to wear my CPAP unit to bed because my sleep apnea is no more  ….a place where my  blood pressure is finally under control ….  a place where I no longer have to look on the XXL rack for shirts ….  a place where I have energy to spare ….. a place where I feel O so much better than I have in years.

I like it here.   I think I’ll stay.