On commencement day this past May, my Carthage studio looked like it had been ransacked by robbers …. or like something from a disturbing episode of “Hoarders” ….. or both. It had been an intense spring semester, which is how the mess came about in the first place (actually it was a mess that was several years in the making, but it was in the spring that it became almost disturbingly messy) … and after bidding farewell to six beloved voice students who had just graduated, I just didn’t have the emotional reserves necessary to deal with such chaos. So I closed the door and went home, knowing full well that I would have to deal with it another day.
That (dread) day finally came in the middle of August, when my wife was out of town for a couple of days, allowing me a golden chance to devote the kind of time it would take to make a dent. After five hours on Friday night, almost seven hours on Saturday, and just over six hours on Sunday, the office looked …… AWFUL – almost worse than when I started. Part of the problem was that I was excavating every inch of the place, including everything stacked underneath the piano and everything piled in the dark corners- including things I hadn’t touched in several years, like this toy gum ball machine where the gum balls had somehow fused together into what looked like the world’s most disgusting sculpture.
I came across jury sheets from 2003, old tests from 2002, and homework from 2001 – most of which did not need to be kept. I also took the time to look through gigantic piles of ancient sheet music and weeded out everything that was of no use to me whatsoever. It was also time to finally discard some huge stereo speakers that have not worked in at least ten years- and time to haul home various books that had somehow migrated to my office for no particular reason. After all of that ruthlessness with my discards, I was still surrounded by gigantic piles of stuff, but I knew that most of it was supposed to be there – and at that point, it was time to make sense of it. It took another twelve hours, spread out over three different evenings, to finally bring the place into order – but at the end of all that, I was finally able to do something I haven’t been able to do in my office in years….. vacuum the floor! (Heck, just being able to see the floor was a dramatic change for the better!) By the first day of school, the place looked cleaner than the day I first moved into it sixteen years ago. And all the reward I needed for all that sweat and hard work was to see the lock of utter disbelief on the faces of people as they first looked in and saw it looking like something from Office Beautiful magazine.
When you first walk into my studio, your eye is first drawn to the brilliantly colored rug from IKEA (that is, if you can see the floor!) -and then to other colorful things on the walls and shelves. But then you open the door a little wider and are greeted by a sight that is either spectacular or ridiculous …. or maybe both: the cascade of toys, figurines and stuffed animals piled on top of the grand piano.
I’m not even sure when I started decorating the piano like this, but I remember thinking that I wanted my studio to be a place where students felt like they could relax and approach the lesson with some sense of fun. As for the riot of bright colors, that’s just for me. I love color (in case you couldn’t tell). Maybe it’s to make up for the fact that I am in a window-less office. Who needs scenery when you have all of this to look at!
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I actually have a small desk that has been piled high with clutter and all-but-unusable for as long as I can remember. Once I had cleaned it off (no small feat) I found that such a clear surface looked strangely alien and out-of-place in such a wild room. So I decided that it needed to be part of the craziness, albeit in somewhat orderly fashion; this is where I keep most of my pens, paper clips, rolls of scotch tape, bottles of white-out, and such, but in the most colorful containers possible.
The final stage of putting the office together was to relocate some of the posters and programs from past recitals, concerts and opera workshop performances – which in some ways is my favorite part of the room because this is what it’s all about…. making music with wonderful students. And it reminds me that once upon a time, recital posters (both here and at other schools) were plain and predictable – but now they are each a labor of love and a reflection of each student’s own creative spirit. And having those posters up on the walls (as so many voice teachers do) is a powerful reminder of the joyful and meaningful collaborations that are part of this work.
There’s actually plenty of stuff still to be done. I have not yet put my music into proper order, and that’s a huge job in and of itself. I also have to get my CDs, DVDs and videotapes better organized. And my coat tree is in need of some very serious pruning. But at least my office is in such a state that I can see the floor and actually walk across it without fear of seriously injuring myself or others! And maybe more important than that, I actually know what’s in there and where it is- and in the process of putting things in order, I also have been brought in touch with what I’ve done here at Carthage- and been reminded of what this life and work is all about.
One thing I’m certain of is that it’s not about keeping one’s office spic and span. At least I hope it’s not! It’s about throwing one’s self into one’s work with joyous abandon and deep gratitude.