It’s not really a Dream Machine – it’s a CPAP machine …. with CPAP standing for “Continuous Positive Airway Pressure” . . . but whether you want to be literal or poetic about it, the fact remains that this little device that sits on my bed stand has made a huge difference in my life. This machine is allowing me to sleep more soundly and (most nights) without interruption. But more importantly, it is allowing my long-suffering wife to sleep like she hasn’t slept in many years. (It’s a wonder how much easier it is to sleep when there isn’t wall-shaking, thunderous snoring going on in the other half of one’s bed.) And for that reason alone, it is fully worth it for me to strap on this contraption every night.
But I am also really thankful that being a CPAP Person has helped me think about sleep in a very different way. Pre- CPAP, I would find all kinds of reasons (most of them on my laptop) to linger in the living room way past my bedtime, and then would head upstairs and spend way too much time reading, watching TV, and playing Word Scramble on my iPad …. meaning that more often than not it was after midnight before I was actually falling asleep. And thanks to Sleep Apnea, my sleep was not only not-long-enough, but also not-deep-enough. But now I find myself watching the clock and much more attentive to when I’m heading to bed- and when I actually turn on my CPAP machine, I know that it takes approximately 20 minutes for the water in the humidifier unit to heat up – and at that point, it’s time to take off my glasses, strap on my mask, and go to bed. It sounds pretty elementary, but for a hopeless Night Owl like me, a little discipline can make all the difference in the world.
So I’m sleeping longer ….. and maybe more important than that, I’m sleeping more deeply ….. and consequently, I am dreaming like I haven’t dreamed in a long, long time. Last night’s dream was really something, and I’m sure it was triggered by something Kathy said right before we went to bed about being lector at church this morning. So what did I dream about last night? I dreamt that I was up front at church, substituting for Kathy as lector ….. and sight-reading the scripture lessons (if it makes sense to use that term for words rather than music.) And it was one of those lessons which ended with something like “and whatever Ezra did, Malachi did also. And what Malachi did, Hosea did also. And what Hosea did . . .” etc. Except that when I got to that part of the lesson, there were no names … only weird symbols (almost like hieroglyphics) and not knowing what names those symbols were meant to symbolize, I had to make up names on the spot. And I tried to make up Biblical-sounding names but they kept coming out wrong…. each made-up-name sounding more American than the one before. And all the while, I’m trying to act like everything’s okay, but all these people out in the congregation are glaring at me ….. including Bishop Jeff Barrow and Carthage President Gregory Woodward. Not exactly the loveliest dream I’ve ever had – but it felt great to wake up knowing that I had dreamed vividly, because that meant that I really slept. And although I’m no expert, I can sure tell that something important happens in the mind when we dream. If nothing else, it is in our dreams that we are able to survive unspeakably difficult challenges- conquer unassailable foes – and endure brutal pain ….. and on occasion, taste very special delights that exceed all earthly expectations.
So thank you, CPAP machine, for giving me back my nighttime dreams ….. even the scary ones.