A new year has begun…. and with it, I hope, a year’s worth of new lessons learned. Of course, we’re learning lessons all the time, but if we rush around too frantically, there’s no chance for the lesson to take root and become a permanent part of us. But I’m hoping to become a bit wiser in 2012…. which comes about with a bit more listening and a little less blabbing…..
Anyway, here’s a couple of things I have learned as of late:
Make the Call, Stupid! . . . Right after Christmas, Kathy was delighted when one of her closest friends from Carthage, Teresa Clickner, came through town for a very rare visit. Kathy ended up organizing a get together at the Yard Arm with a number of friends from their circle- plus Dr. Richard Sjoerdsma, one of their favorite music professors, who still lives in the area. At some point early in her visit, Teresa asked if Dr. Woodrow Hodges- the only music professor from their era who’s still teaching at Carthage- was around and whether or not we could invite him as well to the Yard Arm. I expressed my skepticism, quite sure that he was probably visiting his son down in Florida, and came so close to not even bothering to dial his number to find out for sure. But something nudged me forward and I went ahead and called him – and lo and behold, he was home…. and essentially stranded because his car was being serviced, and stuck at home without a working television set. So our phone call and our invitation could not have been better timed, and he ended up having a fantastic time- and everyone there was thrilled to see him. And to think that I almost didn’t call him at all. Lesson learned? Make the call, stupid!
Be Careful When And Where You Sweep. . . I am referring to the sweeping generalizations which all of us are inclined to make, and me as much as anyone. Your average run-of-the-mill bigot essentially has no other way to respond to the world and especially to those he or she sees as different except in this way – but wow, I’m realizing that I am so much more inclined to this kind of lazy, take-a-shortcut sort of thinking than I ever realized. Case in point: one of my former students at Carthage, Laura Kaeppler, is Miss Wisconsin 2011 and about to compete in the upcoming Miss America pageant. Laura is bright, kind, interesting, compassionate, talented— all qualities that I would never have associated with the world of pageants or the typical contestants that populate them. As I watched Laura at her big send-off event in Kenosha, I realized that I have long succumbed to the temptation of jumping to convenient conclusions and making sweeping generalizations about the women in pageants and their collective shallowness… partly because it’s easier and quicker in this rapidly moving world of ours – and also because it creates a world of entertaining black & white versus subtle shades of gray. I was so apt to think of them all as sewn from exactly the same cloth, essentially all the same sort of person. And I suppose the Miss America organization encourages that sort of thinking by adhering to such a narrow range of visual beauty. But seeing Laura on this particular stage – knowing what an interesting, vibrant human being she is – makes me realize how Archie Bunker- ish I’ve been with this issue. And don’t we all succumb to the allure of sweeping generalizations, in all kinds of situations and arenas? I resolve in 2012 to do my only sweeping with a broom and not with generalizations. Wish me luck.
Whatever You Do, Don’t Lose Your Calendar. . . I lost my calendar at the start of December- and after I found it, there was a page torn out of it which left me without half of November and half of December, which in turn left me living in mortal fear that I would end up missing something really important. And sure enough, I ended up standing up the lovely ladies at the Kenosha’s Women’s Club, who sat in their parlor on a Wednesday afternoon in early December, expecting me to walk through the door to sing a holiday program for them. And of course, I never showed up. Grrr. But in some ways what was even worse than that was the fear that hung over most of the month as I worried about what important appointments or obligations I might be inadvertently forgetting. It left me with a newfound, deep appreciation for knowing what you have to do and when you have to do it. And my goal for 2012 is to hold on to my calendar for dear life. . . and to maybe become a user of Google Calendar, which was probably invented for people like me.
It’s Gratitude, Not Happiness. . . Being happy is great, but it’s a feeling that tends to have rather shallow and fragile roots. I’m much more a fan of Gratitude because it’s a bit more tangible than Happiness, and I think it’s much more apt to weather the disappointments and even the disasters of life. A few days before Christmas, a friend of ours from Kenosha – a music teacher named Kristie Weyrauch Kruse – suffered just about the worst thing a person can suffer when her house all but burned to the ground one early morning. But she and her husband and their young children all escaped unharmed …. and for that they were deeply and sincerely grateful. And in the hours and days that followed, they were inundated by the love and concern of their community, and again were and continue to be incredibly grateful. Were they Happy, as we commonly use the word? I can’t imagine that they were – not having just lost their house and nearly everything they owned. But Gratitude lives where simple Happiness fears to tread, and isn’t it when we find our treasures torn from our grasp that we come to be grateful for what should have always mattered most? All year long, I want to remember what I felt like when I called up Kathy to tell her the news about Kristie Kruse and the fire. As I stood there in the Sturtevant Post Office, telling her about the fire and then discussing what sort of contribution we should make to their emergency fund, I found myself suddenly blubbering like a baby…. feeling both sad for Kristie and her family, and also feeling so intensely grateful for my own blessings that it almost hurt. I want that kind of gratitude to be a perpetual part of my life. I especially want that after seeing Aidan, Anna, and Kaj at our family’s Christmas gathering- proffering completely sincere and joyful thank you’s (without prompting) at every single gift they received- which was a vivid reminder that if you want to raise your child to be happy, then raise them to be grateful.
And last but not least, Say I Love You! . . . Our Christmas holiday was darkened by two unexpected deaths in Kathy’s family. The first was her Aunt Peg, the widow of Uncle Dick (her dad’s oldest brother) – who passed away on the 18th of December. And then on Christmas Day, Kathy’s Uncle Warren (her dad’s last living brother) passed away. Which just underscored the importance of making sure that those you love KNOW that you love them. Whatever we do in this life, we need to love each other as though there’s no tomorrow. Because there might not be.
pictured above: Dr. Woodrow Hodges at the Yard Arm gathering for Teresa Clickner. By the way, he is looking especially joyous because of the enormous piece of ice cream cake which he had just been served. There’s obviously some blurring in the photo, but I love the look on his face.