24 years ago, I was a relatively happy bachelor- with quite a full and satisfying life and with not much sense that my life was somehow incomplete just because I was single. I look back now and see it a bit differently- and not in quite so positive a light – but at the time, I was plenty happy.
Then I met Kathy Gall, a splendidly gifted alto in the church choir at Holy Communion Lutheran Church where I had just been hired as minister of music. We in fact had briefly met a few months earlier at the funeral of a dear friend of hers from college- Mitch Spencer- who died of AIDS. Kathy was part of a group of singers from Carthage (Mitch had sung in the Carthage Choir) who sang a piece for the funeral – and I was there because the Spencer family belonged to Luther Valley Lutheran Church, where my dad was pastor. And that day, a few minutes before the funeral, Kathy Gall went looking for the pastor’s son who she had been told was going to be the organist. For some reason she pictured a 12-year-old boy, but it turned out to be 27-year-old me. We exchanged about 10 words as she asked me if I would be able to accompany the Carthage group in John Rutter’s “The Lord Bless You and Keep You” and I replied “Of course.” And that was the extent of our interaction that day, although I remember being tremendously impressed by this group of Mitch’s friends who came together from far and wide to honor his memory and unite in their grief.
About six months went by before I started the job at Holy Communion and Kathy came to my first rehearsal and sat there struggling to figure out why she recognized me and from where- – – and then, AH HA!!! And it was maybe a year later that I dusted off my courting skills – never my strong suit – and asked her out on a first date. As she loves to tell everyone she meets, including complete strangers, for our first date I took her to a place with Trays. I think it was Bonanza Steak House. I happen to think that there’s something plenty romantic about steak versus burgers – – – but evidently she didn’t see that way then- or now. But she must have thought there would be worse things to do than go on a second date with this country bumpkin who liked opera and who didn’t drink anything stronger than root beer, and who walked around with his shirt tail hanging out like a neon sign that said NERD! NERD! NERD! I don’t know how much of it was love and how much of it was pity/concern, but for some reason she was willing to give me a chance, and from the very start I knew that this was a woman who was going to make life very exciting. And after a courtship that I know dragged on far longer than most people in the cheering section of Holy Communion would have liked, I asked her to marry me and she said yes, and five months later (20 years ago today) we made it official.
It was quite a wedding, and for the vast majority of people there it was the longest wedding they had ever attended in their lives – by far. That was largely because we had it loaded with music the way Papa Murphy’s loads its Meat Lovers’ Pizza. Two choirs sang- the senior choir at Holy Communion, plus the Church Singer’s men’s choir that Kathy’s dad directed at the time – singing from two different balconies, which was thrilling. We also had two of Kathy’s closest friends from Carthage, Leslie Langan and Chip McCrary – plus my high school singing partner Amy Nichols and my Carthage colleague and office roommate Amy Haines. And that’s not counting UW-Parkside band director Mark Eichner, who played trumpet- and of course Randy Fischer handling the organ duties. So it’s little wonder that our wedding unfolded like Wagner’s Ring Cycle or an uncut print of “Gandhi.” We were also surrounded by friends from various chapters of our respective lives as our attendants: my siblings: Steve, Nathan, and Randi & Matt – plus my high school friend Allison (who wrote some prayers for the service), and best friend Marshall Anderson, who was my best man – Kathy’s sister Polly, who was her Maid of Honor, her friends Lynn, Laura , Chip, and our friends Lynn and Walter. . . plus their son Shawn (who himself gets married this coming weekend) as ring bearer, escorted down the aisle by the radiant Erica Smith. My dad presided and Pastor Sandy Roberts preached- and despite a little too much heat and way too much humidity, it turned out to be an exciting service, complete with a huge ovation at the end that was probably conveying “yay! we’re almost done!” as much as “congratulations!”
By the way, one of my favorite parts of the day, which also included a cake reception, a dinner reception, and dance – whew – was a musical program we had back up in the sanctuary. Family and friends both participated – Kathy and I even sang a duet (we did not sing during the wedding, and it’s a good thing, too. We were both a mess- me more than Kathy, in fact.) – and there were even a couple of surprises, like when a gentle old soul from the congregation, Ed Aller ( the kind of guy who played Santa Claus by simply playing his adorable self ) got up and read a poem he had written in our honor. … or when a young man with Down’s Syndrome, Carl Storck, blessed us with his rendition of “Let me call you sweetheart.” Actually, as soon as Ed got done reading his poem, Carl got up to deliver his own poem, which clearly was being written right off the top of his head. I don’t remember too much of it, and some of it was impossible to understand, but I know it began “Roses are read, VIolets are blue . . . “
And then there were the gifts. . . but I don’t mean the waffle irons and picture frames and settings of china (all deeply appreciated) as much as Marshall Anderson lovingly and masterfully constructing Kathy’s beautiful wedding dress. . . John Windh masterfully assembling our 10-page wedding bulletin (I am not exaggerating) on his new fangled personal computer . . . Randi helping us design our wedding invitations . . . all of our musicians who were so generous with their gifts . . . and most of all, everyone who came to Holy Communion on that sweltering Saturday in September and sat through that llllllllong service without complaint (or at least without audible complaint) and who made Kathy and I feel incredibly and lavishly loved. When we recessed at the end of the wedding singing “Now Thank We All Our God,” we meant every word.
Now thank we all our God
with hearts and hands and voices.
Who wondrous things hath done,
in whom His world rejoices
Who, from our mother’s arms
hath blessed us on our way
With countless gifts of love
and still is ours today.