As I was exciting the radio station today, I noticed a piece of paper taped to the front of the vending machine in the front hall – and it turns out to have said “Please do not purchase the crackers and peanut butter. They have been put on a nationwide recall list.’
Two things struck me as amusing. . .
First, it is rather amazing to me that if in fact this is a serious enough threat to necessitate a recall off of store shelves, they didn’t actually remove these potentially tainted items out of the machine – or actually disable that particular button . . . or something which would make it truly impossible for them to be purchased. To make do with a simple sign is to assume 1) that the sign will not be accidentally or deliberately removed 2) that everyone using the machine can read and 3) that everyone using the machine can read English. And who decided that the sign should begin with the word “please”? This isn’t like Keep Off the Grass. This is rather Don’t Eat This Because There Are People Who Have Died From Eating This Particular Product And You Could Be Next. And how about a skull and crossbones at the top to grab people’s attention? This sign seems entirely too benign – and such matters do not call for undue politeness.
On the other hand, we Americans do have a tendency to over-react – and in particular we vastly overestimate the danger of various threats. I just watched a preview of the American Experience documentary “Polio: An American Story” which will air next week. One of the main story lines is of how the seriousness and extent of Polio was actually distorted to the public. . . and although most people who contracted polio suffered terribly, they were a relatively small segment of the population- especially those who were paralyzed and those who died. . But someone in charge of such things decided that in order to attract enough donations to mount a sufficient campaign against it, the average citizen needed to be convinced that he or she and their offspring were next in line to be struck down. And that’s how the March of Dimes began, and the response to the call was overwhelming – although there were all kinds of instances of ostracism and discrimination that also sprang up in the midst of the panic. And it almost seems like ever since we have been panicking about one thing after another. It must be how we’re wired – or maybe someone just knows how to press our proverbial buttons. But maybe that’s why this sign was written with such a calm, motherly tone- as if the gist of the sign needed to be “don’t eat the crackers and peanut butter; you’ll spoil your appetite” rather than “Run For Your Lives ! ! !”
The other thing that amuses me about the sign is that the last thing in the world I need to be told is “don’t purchase the ugly orange crackers with the quasi-peanut butter something stuck in the middle of them.” If I need that sign, then I probably also need one that says “Don’t stick your head in the blender” or “Don’t strip naked, rub yourself with hamburger, and then climb over the fence of the dog pound.” There are some things I’m just not going to do – and purchasing those ugly orange “peanut butter” crackers is certainly on my “never doing it” list. But for those who find themselves drawn to such cuisine, I’m glad there’s at least a sign posted to divert you to the Cheetos or Junior Mints instead.
Perhaps I shouldn’t be making light of any of this- given that hundreds of people have been sickened and a handful of people have died. . . and the way we mass produce so much of our food seems to be making us more and more vulnerable to such threats. The health risk itself is no laughing matter. . . only our ham-handed ways we have of responding to it.