It’s been an interesting week – and fall, for that matter – for the Carthage Choir.  They have a new director,  Eduardo Garcia-Novelli,  but for this first part of the fall semester they have had to share him with his previous school because that choir was to perform for a prestigious choral convention this coming weekend (a privilege they earned at some point last year)  and it seemed all but inconceivable for them to prepare for something so important while in the midst of adjusting to a new conductor.  So the agreement was brokered that Maestro Garcia-Novelli would split his time between Wisconsin and Texas until that convention performance was concluded.   And earlier in the semester,  we actually ended up with an unexpected full week with him because the school in Beaumont, Texas had to shut down for awhile because of Hurricane Ike;  their misfortune was the Carthage Choir’s gain, in a sense, although no one would have wished for that.   Anyway, for this last week before the convention, he is spending all of his time down in Texas for the last big push- and then the Carthage Choir has him all to themselves from here on out.

Until this week,  Maestro Garcia-Novelli’s absences were ably covered  by another choral colleague,  Peter Dennee – but he has his own group – the Women’s Ensemble – that rehearses at that same time – and every day spent with the Carthage Choir was a day spent away from the other group, which has plenty of their own work to do.  So the decision was made that I would take Carthage Choir Monday and Wednesday of this week,  so Peter could finally have an uninterrupted week of rehearsal with the women’s ensemble.   That is, if I was willing.

As if they even had to ask.

I have to laugh at the notion that there ever could have been the slightest hesitation on my part.  I was THRILLED to be asked and excited at the opportunity to do some rehearsing with this group that I’ve come to know so well – and to enjoy and admire.  I was also SCARED.   Not scared as in horror movie scared or stock market crash scared –  but just nervous and anxious, which is probably a very good thing.  Had I strolled in with all the confidence in the world, I probably would have dropped the ball rather royally.

Instead,  I’m happy to report that it went pretty darn well. I kept things moving in efficient fashion,  yet there was time for some levity.  I shook them up with a few questions that caught them off guard (such as “are all softs the same?”  and “so what does et in terra pax mean?”)  And more than anything,  I tried to enjoy myself and the privilege of standing before them in these rehearsals,  which I think did a lot to relax the students and allow them to enjoy themselves as well and the experience of working, albeit briefly,  with someone new.

In fact, I’m pretty sure that nobody in that room is even aware that for a relatively brief amount of time, before any of them was even in high school,  I was the conductor of the Carthage Choir.  In fact,  I often think back to that September afternoon in 1999 when I walked into that choir room for my first rehearsal. . .  wearing a bright red tie that Henrietta Welch gave to me because Red is a power color and she thought it would give me more of a sense of confidence and authority.   And I think it did.   I actually videotaped that rehearsal,  and every so often I will grab the tape and put it in the VCR and step back in time – not out of any sense of envy for the past or dissatisfaction with the present – far from it, in fact –  but rather just to relive a moment where I was confronting something really big and incredibly intimidating – and survived.  It’s as if I had a videotape of the first time I went bungee jumping.  This was a little bit like that, I suppose.   I think it also is a sweet memory because I walked into that choir room that was filled to the brim with fine singers ( we had an amazing plethora of fine singers that fall, including a dazzling array of men, probably as good as Carthage had ever had up until that time)  and I had this distinct sense that Anything Was Possible.   I had not yet experienced any of the hassles and headaches, nor the sleepless nights,  which came to characterize my experience with the choir as time went on.   That first day, there was just this empty canvas and a spectacular array of paints just waiting for the touch of the brush.   It felt like the start of something great.

It ended up being the start of something good – with some flashes of great and a few patches of okay – and as time went on,  it became increasingly clear that this was not a match made in heaven.   One of the biggest reasons was that I never quite managed to follow some very important advice which Dr. Sjoerdsma gave me right before I started with the choir.  He said that one thing I needed to do is make sure that I really focused my energies on choral conducting – that it wouldn’t work out too well if I just made it one of a bunch of things to which I gave equal time and attention.   And although I agreed with him and intended to reshape my priorities,  that ended up not happening.   I loved teaching private voice and could not bring myself to cut back the number of voice students I was teaching (not with so many marvelous men on the scene) – nor could I bring myself to cut back on accompanying – but all those lessons as well as rehearsals ate up much of what should have been time spent on my own preparation for the choir.  Before I knew it, I felt like a hamster on a wheel  and if I hadn’t chosen to get off that wheel when I did,  two  years later, I wonder if I would be alive today and typing these words.

Certainly , there are things I miss about it (although not the immense responsibility which comes with the job)  but I realize that my ultimate musical destiny is for what I’m doing now, in the studio – and in the other musical adventures I am having with my church choir, Caritas, Musici Amici, playing for Tremper choirs, composing music, singing with the Kenosha Pops, KSO pre-concert lectures, etc.     I would feel so bereft if I had to let go of any of those pleasures.  And truth be told,  when I watch a real choral master like Eduardo Garcia-Novelli work with the Carthage Choir with such meticulous attention to detail and nuance,  drawing increasingly impressive singing from them, perhaps beyond their wildest expectations, I am all the more certain that the Carthage Choir podium was never going to be a happy, comfortable perch for me or the place where my peculiar combination of gifts would best be used.

Which is not to say that I don’t know how to do some good things on that podium when called upon to do so- and I hope those opportunities will continue to come my way from time to time . . .   but it’s a podium I am happy to simply visit rather than permanently occupy .   I am more than content to leave that to the real masters of the craft,  and spend my time and energy where I can bloom most brightly.   Life is too short to do anything else.

pictured:   GB with the Carthage Choir